Dear Brazil, this World Cup We'd Like...

You want more bloody David Moyes news? You want the latest team news for the second leg of the Champions League semi-finals? The latest on Barcelona's transfer ban appeal? No you ruddy well don't. You want to hear magical tales of Burger King mocking footballers, international managers making silly errors, US police officers beating fans of a girls high school team and the diva-like demands of overpaid men who chase a ball for a living. And you've come to the right place. Welcome to this week's Football Circus. Now read you mugs!

Mess with Gignac? Whopper Mistake

France and Marseille striker Andre Pierre Gignac is not a happy man...For he has been nationally ridiculed in his home country...by Burger King!

Gignac is often the subject of mockery in France due to his stocky build. In fact even fans of his own club, Marseille, are known to poke fun, singing "A Big Mac for Gignac". In spite of his physique, or perhaps because of it, he is currently of Ligue 1's top scorers. So the striker could be excused for thinking the jibes may ease. Unfortunately for Gignac however, fast food giants Burger King have attempted to capitalise on the "Big Mac for Gignac" song, by releasing an ad with a slogan of their own - "A Whopper for Gignac".

According to reports in the French media, Gignac has failed to see the funny side and after teammates stuck some of the posters up in the dressing room, he is said to be contemplating legal action against Burger King.

Carless Quieroz

David Moyes may not be the only former Man United coach that springs to mind this week for serious lapses in judgement. Regardless, Fergie's former number two, now managing the Iranian national team, has been left rather red-faced after failing to review a fixture list.

In preparation for his side's participation in this summer's World Cup, Queiroz arranged a training camp for the team in South Africa. Nothing wrong with that, in fact he could even be commended for his efforts.

Queiroz called up 28 plyaers to the squad. However, only eleven of the players called up will be able to partake. Not only are many of the team's European based players still playing out their respective teams' seasons, players from Asian sides Esteghlal, Tractor Sazi, Foolad and Sepahan will not be present due to their involvement in the Asian Champions League - a factor which Queiroz seemingly failed to consider.

Nonetheless, the training camp will run for 23 days and Queiroz is hopeful that more players will join up with the squad once their club sides' seasons finish up.

US High School Students attacked by Police

US sawcer fans aren't exactly known for their hooliganism or unruly behaviour. So it may come as a surprise to learn that a police officer in Texas took it upon himself to attack fans of a girls' high school soccer team who ran onto the pitch to celebrate their teams victory.

Youtube footage surfaced this week, of crazed cop George Bermudez of the Georgetown Police Department, who tripped and pushed students from Vandegrift High School after their side won the state championship. Local media have been quick to pick up on the story and Bermudez has now been placed on administrative leave.

Captain Rowland Waits of the police department told NY Daily News:

"I want to stress to the community that this behavior is not in line with the way we want to conduct business.

"Know that we take complaints like this seriously".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAAgXaMCdfI#t=50

Dear Brazil, this World Cup We'd Like...

Brazilian sports website Lancenet.com have somehow gotten their hands on a list of hotel and training demands made by a number of the sides partipating in this summer's World Cup. Most seem pretty reasonable we're sure you'll agree, but as you'll see below, some are slightly out of left field, even extravagent (we're looking your way Japan):

Algeria: Copy of the Koran in the rooms of every player.

Australia: Large coffee makers. Newspapers from around the world to be available daily.

Chile: New beds and new flatscreen televisions in the rooms of every player.

Colombia: Fifteen youth team players to be provided by Sao Paulo to provide assistance and partake in training matches if necessary.

Costa Rica: A large leisure room with sofas, televisions and video games.

Ecuador: The provision of a fresh bunch of Ecuadorian bananas to be put in every player's room daily. A traditional Ecuadorian barbeque to be provided on the players' arrival to the hotel.

France: Liquid soaps as the French, apparently, have a dislike for soap bars. Kosher food for their Muslim players. A leisure room with video games.

Honduras: Six Spanish-language television channels for the players' rooms, including two Honduran channels. High speed wi-fi. Some bedrooms to be converted into offices for coaching staff.

Iran: The assistance of Corinthians including their cleaning staff (Carlos Queiroz has worked with their manager Edu Gaspar - Let's just hope for Queiroz's sake that Gaspar is good with fixture lists).

Japan: Individual rooms for the players at Sport Spa resort in Itu, where each room will have a jacuzzi tub.

Portugal: Each room to have a video games console

Switzerland: High speed internet. Six Swiss television channels in the players' rooms. A studio to be constructed beside Muta beach where the team are staying, which can host exclusive player interviews.

Uruguay: Silent air conditioners for each player's rooms. Large walls to be constructed around their training facilities to prevent the media and fans from viewing their sessions.

What's Mad Mario Upto this Week?

Balotelli had a particularly successful weekend, with a goal and an assist for Milan against Livorno in Serie A, helping them to a 3-0 victory. The win meant Milan go within five points of city rivals Inter and should they overtake them will gain a Europa League spot. If that wasn't enough, the goal took Balo's tally for the season to 14 league goals, the best he has ever racked up in his career to date. Said Balotelli of the feat:

"I'm happy to have reached the record but I have to improve, because there are players that score 40 in a season".

He was also questioned about the pressure manager Clarence Seedorf is under at AC Milan, with rumours that his job is under threat:

"I didn't know anything about that.

"The coach has given a big hand to the squad...But this is still nothing. It's just a great result. We're playing to qualify for the Europa League".

Meanwhile, Milan teammate Nigal De Jong has hailed Balotelli to being akin to a Ferrari.

Speaking to Forza magazine, De Jong said:

"In my view, Balotelli can be compared to a Ferrarri.

"He is powerful and unpredictable".

Italian Football Story of the Week

- Mourinho back to Inter?

Jose Mourinho's second tenure at Chelsea has not been seen in quite the same light as his first spell. Despite the team still challenging for both the Premier League and Champions League, Mourinho looks a shadow of his former self and seems more prone to outbursts than ever before. No surprise then, that he has been linked with a possible move up north to take over the now manager-less Manchester United. Speaking with Tele Lombardia however, honourary Inter Milan president Massimo Moratti has admitted that he often muses over whether Mourinho could be tempted back to Milan:

"I often think we could bring back Jose rather than buying lots of players, but it requires common sense.

"We also mustn’t forget he only arrived because of Roberto Mancini’s post-Liverpool outburst. It was difficult to tell Mancini we had signed another Coach while the Scudetto celebrations were going on.

"Mourinho confirmed his great professionalism. I warned him we’d need to wait for Mancini and he said he’d remain at my disposal without contacting other clubs. He kept his word.

"Jose did not find satisfaction at Real Madrid, but now he is at Chelsea, another club he is fond of. I know that he’d come back here to Inter. He can’t right now, but maybe he’ll arrive later on after Walter Mazzarri, who is another very good Coach, has won three Scudetti".

Artist's Impression of the Week

- 'Footballers Compile Brazil 2014 Wishlist'

Football Recommendation of the Week

- You are the Ref; "Cult classic cartoon strip" by Paul Trevillion which first debuted as far back as 1957.

http://www.theguardian.com/football/series/you-are-the-ref

Non-Football Recommendation of the Week

- Frank; "Offbeat comedy about a young wannabe musician, Jon (Domhnall Gleeson), who finds himself out of his depth when he joins an avant-garde pop band led by the mysterious and enigmatic Frank (Michael Fassbender), a musical genius who hides himself inside a large fake head, and his terrifying bandmate Clara (Maggie Gyllenhaal)".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wk-hWzq67w4

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You can also contact us at footballcircus@gmail.com

Papas, Brothers and Significant Others

As it's Easter, we found it appropriate that we include a story this week about Il Papa. We also bring you tales of kidnap attempts, partying, cheating and love triangles. None of which have anything to do with Easter but sadly the Easter Bunny hasn't been seen near any football stadiums recently. So onto this week's Football Circus, which we hope keeps your interested in the sordid world of football piqued...

Adriano Released for being Adriano

Earlier this year Football Circus was delighted to report that Adriano looked to have finally veered his footballing career back on track, having signed with Brazilian side Ateltico Paranaense heading into the Copa Libertadores. All was looking very rosey indeed.

That was until last week.

Given his reputation, Paranense naturally felt obliged to include a 'productivity' condition into the former Inter striker's contract when he signed with the team - Should Adriano not fulfil his professional duties, he would be fired. From January right upto April, all was going swimmingly - Adriano had even avoided controversy during carnival season. And then boom...

On two occasions this week, Adriano has been caught out doing exactly what Adriano does best...partying. The man once heralded as the 'new Ronaldo', was caught on camera by a fan in a nightclub on the eve of a training day. A video was posted on Youtube and that ladies and gentlemen, was the end of Adriano's Atletico Paranaense career.

Following his release, Adriano tweeted:

"My time with the club was very gratifying.

"Now I can keep doing what I like doing the most, which is to play football".

Exactly how he plans on doing that without a club will prove interesting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlb8gGEcXFA

Former Valencia President attempts to Kidnap Rival

You're an ousted president of one of the biggest football clubs in Spain. Do you a) Stand aside graciously; b) Moan to the press about how the wrong man got the job; or c) Attempt to kidnap the man who succeeded you? If you plumped for option c), your name may indeed be Juan Soler - for that is exactly what the former Valencia president has been arrested on suspicion of this week.

Spanish newspaper AS have reported that Soler is being investigated for planning to kidnap Vicente Soriano, who succeeded him as Valencia president in 2008. While Soriano himself has since been ousted as president, the reports claim that Soler had hired someone (for as much as €100,000) to kidnap him and aimed to intimidate Soriano into paying €59 million worth of debt that he allegedly owed.

Soler was jailed laast Tuesday night before being released on bail.

Ten Hail Marys! Team named in Honour of Pope Francis Ends Inaugaral Match with Nine Men

An Argentine team by the name of 'Papa Francisco' in honour of Pope Francis, has had shame brought upon it by its players as early as their first match.

The club were founded in 2013 after Pope Francis was named as pope. Its founder and president, Jorge Ramirez, has claimed:

"Our motto is no hooligans, no violence and no insults".

Their motto clearly was not adhered to as it took just one match for the team to rack up its first two sendings off. Competing at a semi-professional level in the lower leagues of Argentina, Papa Francisco took on Trefules. It was a game marred with misconduct and both sides had two players sent off. The match finished 2-2.

It may take some divine intervention rather than a motto for Papa Francisco to finish their next game with eleven men if their first is anything to go by.

Iranian Player takes 'Super-Sub' to New Level

Players quite often in their careers earn a reputation as being a 'super-sub'. Take Ole Gunnar Solskjaer during his time at Manchester United or Henrik Larsson at Barcelona. Such a reputation sits better with some than others. But one player in Iran's second division last week was so uncomfortable with being a substitute that he took matters into his own hands.

Shahrdari Yasuj faced Nassaji Mazandaran and their lackluster defending led to an opposition player getting through on goal, looking destined to score, with even the keeper beaten. What happened next was nothing short of bizarre...

A Shahrdari Yasuj substitute who was warming up behind the goal, still wearing a training bib, ran onto the pitch and headed the shot clear. Rather than award a penalty the referee opted to give a free-kick inside the box to Nassji Mazandaran. With their whole team on the goal line, Shardari managed to successfully defend the free kick. Unfortunately for them however, their cheating ways were not enough and Nassji Mazandaran ran out 2-0 winners.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6M4dYGTWpg

What's Mad Mario Upto this Week?

Balotelli turned out for Milan on Sunday in their 1-0 victory over Catania, though failed to get on the scoresheet. In terms of media coverage, Balo has had a quiet week (something that is becoming a bit of a trend of late - perhaps the impending World Cup has something to do with it). His brother Enoch on the otherhand, gave an interview to Chi magazine and has bemoaned his lack of opportunities, blaming the fact that he is Mario's brother. Enoch told the magazine:

"I am one of missed opportunities, being a brother of Mario is an advantage in life every day , but it is a disadvantage in the world of football. In football, I am and will always remain in the second row.

"I am always in the shadows. I never had the big opportunity, what could change my life will be to accept to play for Padania.

"Mario makes his way and I make mine. I've never been recommended, sometimes when playing people at the stadium insult, or tell me ‘nigger m...’ or ‘go away’. I am black and I'm proud of it. In any case, I pretend not to hear, I do not react".

Italian Football Story of the Week

- No Shake and Make Up for Lopez and Icardi

It's the Italian football love circle that just keeps on giving. Yes, this week we once again bring you news of the quite frankly ludicrous Maxi Lopez-Wanda Nara-Mauro Icardi 'love triangle' fiasco. We may risk sounding like a soap drama here, but if you're not upto speed, here's the lowdown thus far:

- Argentine Lopez married Nara in 2008, fathering her three children

- Icardi arrived in Italy in 2011, signing for Sampdoria (initially on loan). Icardi, only 18 years old at the time, was taken under the wing of Lopez. Lopez befriended his young compatriot and helped him adjust to Italian life. Icardi was regularly spotted in the company of Lopez and his wife Nara
- In 2013 Lopez and Nara's marriage broke up, Nara publicly citing their lack of sex as one of the reasons for their parting of ways
- Not long after Lopez and Nara split up, Icardi declared his love for Nara. Soon afterwards, the pair publicly announced themselves as an 'item'
- Both Icardi and Nara's social media websites are bombarded with photos of the 'happy couple', they tweet about their love for one another. Icardi celebrates goals revealing t-shirts carrying 'Wanda I love you' messages, gets a tattoo of Nara's name on his arm and is photographed acting as a father-figure to Lopez and Nara's children

So there you have it, John Terry ain't got jack on this kid. The latest development came this week when Maxi Lopez's Sampdoria took on Icardi's Inter. In a Terry-Bridge-esque scenario, Lopez refused to shake Icardi's hand before kickoff. Surely, if there was any justice in this world, Lopez would guide Samp to an unlikely victory...

Alas, it was not to be. It really was not to be...Not only did Icardi score and celebrate in front of the Sampdoria fans (an action which was booked for), but Lopez missed a penalty and Inter won the game 4-0. The misery continues for Maxi Lopez.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdeGYWADv2I

Artist's Impression of the Week

- 'Lopez Refuses Icardi Handshake'

Football Recommendation of the Week

- The Special One: The Dark Side of Jose Mourinho (Diego Torres); "An explosive and shocking biography of Jose Mourinho - revealing the dark side of 'the special one'".

http://www.amazon.com/The-Special-One-Dark-Mourinho/dp/000755303X

Non-Football Recommendation of the Week

- 999 Contemporary; From what we can tell (with a lot of help from Google Translate), this is a pretty impressive street-art project going on in Rome. It includes a tribute to Francesco Totti (http://www.999gallery.com/?p=12192) and 'Jumping Wolf', a piece by Belgian graffiti artist ROA (http://www.999gallery.com/?p=12300). Well worth checking out if the website if you can tolerate translating every page. Or speak Italian.

http://www.999gallery.com/

Don't forget you can follow us on Twitter @footballcircus or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/pages/Football-Circus/418804204906352

You can also contact us at footballcircus@gmail.com

The Fear

OK, so we don't have a story about a team of dwarfs this week. However, what we do have is:

- A Benfica-employed flying robot

- Breaking Bad

- One dead (sadly) sheep

- Phil Scolari's guide to World Cup sex

- Hristo Stoichkov's porn habits

Yes the football world is becoming a scary place with robots flying around stadiums, fans going to extreme lengths to intimidate opponents and legendary former players being exposed as perverts. Add to that fear your weekly Mario Balotelli installment and an angry Italian football club chairman and you have yourselves this week's Football Circus...

Is it a Bird? Is it a Plane? No, just a Drone carrying a Benfica Jersey

Keeping the crowd's interest peaked shouldn't be a particularly arduous task for a team like Benfica. But in case there were any yawning spectators in the crowd during their game against Rio Ave at the Estadio Da Luz on Monday, the club made sure the fans' minds remained focused on all things Benfica. How? By having drones fly around inside the stadium with Benfica jerseys attached for fans to grab.

The unorthodox marketing step was, at the very least innovative, and at best, a marketing breakthrough for the Portuguese giants. Luckily for the home side, their players were not distracted by the drones as they beat 10-man Rio Ave 4-0 to go a step closer to lifting the Portuguese title for the first time in four years.

Benfica's official Facebook page shared the following photo of one of their drones in action:

Maccabi Haifa summon the Spirit of Walter White

Maccabi Haifa took on title rivals Hapoel Beersheba last weekend and chose to intimidate their opponents by revealing a massive banner...of Breaking Bad character, Walter White.

The bizarre banner featuring the anti-hero who went by the pseudonym 'Heisenberg', also incorporated the tagline "I am not in danger, I am the danger".

Whether a cartoonised, bald Bryan Cranston with a quote from a fictional television show was indeed enough to strike fear into the hearts of the Hapoel Beersheba players, we'll never know. What we do know is that Maccabi ran out 2-0 victors and will likely continue using the intimidating banner if they go all the way and with the title this season.

Perhaps Hapoel's fans should get working on a Tony Soprano or Stringer Bell flag for next season.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovCxXr_oJgI

Dead Sheep Hung outside Hannover 96 Training Ground

From Breaking Bad to Breaking Ba-aaaad.

While Maccabi Haifa's fans may have thought their Walter White banner was intimidating, fans of Eintracht Braunschweig took things up a notch. Before Eintracht's game with fierce rivals Hanover 96 on Sunday, a dead sheep was found on the fence of Hannover's training ground.

The sheep was not only painted in the Hannover club colours, but had a sign next to it which read: "On Sunday your time is up, you filthy animals".

Of course it could not be proven that it was Eintracht fans who hung the sheep, but the message along with the fact that the sheep was found two days prior to the game seem more than just coincidental. Local police stated:

"Today, at 07:00, a H96-employee saw a lamb on the fence of the H96 training complex and called the police.

"A vet has picked up the animal and checked the cause of death. The sign is being examined for traces. We're investigating for violations of the Animal Welfare Act".

Speaking to Bild newspaper, Hannover 96 sporting Director Dirk Duffner said:

"This is a twisted act of some individuals. This is incomprehensible and perverse".

And, like lambs to the slaughter, Hannover went on to lose the game 3-0.

Big Phil doesn't want Players playing out of Position of in the Bedroom

Rocky's trainer Mickey once told him "Women weaken legs". Indeed the debate, as to whether sex a day or two prior to a football match can affect a player's on pitch performance, has raged on for decades. In the lead up to a World Cup, many a coach will take the hardline and just ban players from sex outright. Brazilian coach Luis Felipe Scolari has this week announced what he will allow his players get upto in the bedroom during the tournament...And we're quite bemused...

Asked about whether he would impose a sex ban, as he did when he lead Brazil to the World Cup in 2002, Scolari responded:

"Normal sexual intercourses is made in a balanced way, but there are certain forms, certain ways and others who do acrobatics. And that, no".

What, exactly, Big Phil means by "acrobatic" is certainly open to interpretation and we fully expect a Karma Sutra-style manual to be issued to his squad in June.

One man who won't be worrying about Scolari's rules this year is Ronaldo, who said of the sex ban Scolari imposed on the 2002 squad:

"The manager would tell us that any player who cannot control his penis is not a man, but an irrational animal. The World Cup in 2002 was a wonderful memory but I will always remember the ache down below just as much as lifting the trophy".

Oh No Hristo! Bulgarian Legend Inadvertently Reveals his Porn Habit

Hristo Stoichkov will be known as a legend by Bulgaria and Barcelona fans alike for his on field brilliance. That much cannot be denied. However he may have slightly tarnished his reputation this week after becoming embroiled in a Twitter battle with some peeved fans.

The 48 year old had made comments on Spanish television whilst working as a pundit, which upset a number of fans due to his perceived biase towards Barcelona. Abusive messages began to clog up his Twitter timeline. So what better way for Stoichkov to shut them up than post a photo of himself in his heyday? Who are they to argue with the great Stoichkov? Ah yes Hristo, you sly old fox.

In his haste, however, Stoichkov posted a screengrab of a photo of himself from the official FIFA website...but forgot to close a tab on his browser entitled "Free Porn Sex Videos". Needless to say, the tweet was quickly deleted thereafter, and Stoichkov's retaliation abruptly ceased. Questioned about the porn viewing after being caught out, Stoichkov said, "Yep. Gotta get the job done!".

What's Mad Mario Upto This Week?

After we last week reported a quiet seven days for Balotelli, the mercurial one has this week thrown himself back into the spotlight once again by setting up an Instagram account.

Facebook and Twitter accounts do not appear to fulfill Mario's social media needs and he bombarded Instragram this week with a plethora of selfies and videos announcing his arrival on the website / app. 

Going by the username 'mb459', Balotelli's comments on one of his photographs in particular drew attention - a photo which featured himself and supposed 'ex' girlfriend Fanny Neguesha.

The photo was accompanied by the following comment from Super Mario:
"And Now what re you gonna say? Good night everyone!".

This came on foot of rumours a fortnight ago that Balotelli and Neguesha were no longer an item. Obviously Balotelli is aiming to set the record straight on that front.

The striker was on Monday spotted driving his red Ferrari around Milan, before travelling to Genoa where he helped AC to 2-1 away victory after coming on as a 74th minute substitute.

Italian Football Story of the Week

- De Laurentiis gets Shirty with Fan

Italian football club chairman often grab more headlines that the players they have in their ranks. Napoli chariman Aurelio De Laurentiis is no exception and the man who is also a prominent film producer in Italy, was in the limelight this week as he lost his temper with a fan after his side's 1-0 defeat to Parma.

An angry De Laurentiis was caught on camera grabbing a Napoli fan by the collar, by RAI programme 'La Domenica Sportiva' as they attempted to interview him. His security guards quickly convinced him that such actions were not becoming of a man in his position and he retreated to his vehicle.

De Laurentiis, at least in the face of the media, appears to have immediately regretted his actions and subsequently apologised to the fan in question. Said De Laurentiis:

"I have great respect for all fans and obviously a predilection for Napoli ones.

"I have always said that in me, during a game and in the 20 minutes afterwards, there live two contrary souls.

"There is the soul of the fan who participated in the victory or defeat of his team and the soul of the President.

"Yesterday I was distraught and disappointed by the result as well as the refereeing, which saw a penalty denied that could’ve changed the course of the game.

"I left quickly and got into the car to go to the airport. A fan suddenly shouted at me through the car window.

"Under the emotional effects of the game, I got down perhaps in an excessively aggressive manner to ask him what he had to complain about. After a few seconds, I got back into the car and was driven to the airport.

"Having arrived in Rome, I immediately contacted the fan via Nicola Lombardo. In the phone call I apologised for what happened and invited him to a cordial meeting in my office".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0CrQZqG_4U#t=40

Artist's Impression of the Week

 - 'Animals get Sheepish around Hannover Stadium'

Football Recommendation of the Week

- LFC Day Trippers; A decidely impressive fansite as fansites go, LFC Day Trippers, is a Liverpool dedicated website for the fans, by the fans. In additional to some stellar opinion columns, their podcast in particular is well worth checking out.

http://www.lfcdaytrippers.com/

Non-Football Recommendation of the Week

- Calvary; "Set in Sligo, Ireland, Calvary is a blackly comic drama about a good priest tormented by various members of his community".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGM5rq_vX4U

Don't forget you can follow us on Twitter @footballcircus or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/pages/Football-Circus/418804204906352
You can also contact us at footballcircus@gmail.com