The hour is finally upon us. The most eagerly anticapted time of the year has rolled around again. Yes, it's the week of the illustrious 'Golden Clown Shoe' Awards. This will be the last Football Circus of 2014 and will see us crown the winner of 2014's Golden Clown Shoe. If you're not familiar from last year, we will count down the 15 biggest clowns of the year in the football world. Last year's winner was Ousmane Drame, a Lecce striker at the time, who took the crown after an incident involving an iPhone, a prostitute and a bicycle (http://football-circus.blogspot.ie/2013/04/football-circus-rolls-into-town-for.html). Can his tale be topped this year? Read on to find out...
15. Hristo Stoichkov
The Bulgarian legend may seem an unlikely candidate for the Golden Clown Shoe, but this act of stupidity that we reported in our April 10th edtion has cemented his place on the shortlist:
Hristo Stoichkov will be known as a legend by Bulgaria and Barcelona fans alike for his on field brilliance. That much cannot be denied. However he may have slightly tarnished his reputation this week after becoming embroiled in a Twitter battle with some peeved fans.
The 48 year old had made comments on Spanish television whilst working as a pundit, which upset a number of fans due to his perceived biase towards Barcelona. Abusive messages began to clog up his Twitter timeline. So what better way for Stoichkov to shut them up than post a photo of himself in his heyday? Who are they to argue with the great Stoichkov? Ah yes Hristo, you sly old fox.
In his haste, however, Stoichkov posted a screengrab of a photo of himself from the official FIFA website...but forgot to close a tab on his browser entitled "Free Porn Sex Videos". Needless to say, the tweet was quickly deleted thereafter, and Stoichkov's retaliation abruptly ceased. Questioned about the porn viewing after being caught out, Stoichkov said, "Yep. Gotta get the job done!".
14. Julio Cesar
Tears of a clown...Tears are exactly what merited Julio Cesar's place in our shortlist this year as his crying made him a bit of a laughing stock here on Football Circus:
Brazil goalkeeper Julio Cesar has garnered a bit a reputation for bursting into tears at the drop of a hat and was even featured on Football Circus recently for his tearful goodbye speech to Toronto FC, having played a mere seven matches for them. So it hasn't come as a massive surprise to us that after Brazil's penalty shoot out victory over Chile, Cesar began to cry, yet again, during an interview.
Cesar had the following to say during the interview with a Brazilian television channel:
"Four years ago, I gave a very emotional interview.
"I’m repeating that again today with you, but this time I’m emotional with happiness.
"Only God and my family knows what I’ve went through and continue to go through for today. All I know is that my story with the team isn’t over.
"My teammates are giving me a lot of encouragement to get to a better place.
"There are only 3 left.
"I expect to give you another interview like this, with happiness, with all of Brazil celebrating. This is my big dream".
Well, well, well. Looks like that's one Football Circus pre-World Cup prediction proven right at least!
13. Diego Maradona
Be it threatening to resume his playing career or getting into fights with journalists, Diego Maradona has had a busy year and featured on Football Circus more than once. It was this story on December 11th though that ensured he made this year's Golden Clown Shoe shortlist:
Diego Maradona did not cover himself in glory this week on a trip to Venezuela as he dosed off during a speech by Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro. The Argentine great had been invited as a special guest to celebrations of the 190th anniversary of the Battle of Ayacucho, a battle in which independence was won for both Peru and the rest of South America (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Ayacucho).
Clearly, Maradona was bored senseless by the speech and thought he'd use the opportunity to catch up on some shut eye. Embarrassingly, the Barcelona and Napoli legend was then presented to the audience as "a rebel and revolutionary". Cue rapturous applause from the crowd and television cameras panning to the World Cup winner...Who had his arms folded and eyes closed. Maradona had to be nudged forward by a friend and immediately got to his feet and waved (which we'd like to now imagine he does every time he wakes up).
12. Andre Pronk
Getting a football-related tattoo is a sure fire way to give yourself a chance of featuring on Football Circus. Take 'zany' Dutch singer Andre Pronk for example, who appeared on the June 26th edition of Football Circus for his ridiculous World Cup tatts:
Some fans often get a little over-zealous during the World Cup. We see all sorts of unusual behaviour - face painting, staying up later to watch matches, the placing of ludicrious bets, wearing silly costumes in support of a team...But what do you do if you really want a lasting memory of a World Cup? Hmm, get a tattoo perhaps? Well that's exactly what Dutch singer Andre Pronk has done, at the double in fact.
Pronk has had Dutch manager Louis Van Gaal's face along with a mid-diving-header Robin Persie tattooed onto his back. The Netherlands have merely progressed past the group stages of the tournament thus far, however Pronk appears to be so confident in his national side that he has already taken the bold / insane step of having Van Gaal and Van Persie permanently etched onto his body. As crazy as the tattoos may seem, Pronk does not look like the kind of man who will regret his actions any time soon, as the tattoos are the third and fourth he has on now heavily inked-up back.
11. Mario Balotelli
No Golden Clown Shoe shortlist would be complete without Mario Balotelli and incidentally, he is the only nominee / clown from the 2013 shortlist to reappear in 2014. Last year, Balo only made it to number 15 on the list as we wrote "...he's a far more complex character to just be labelled a clown and hence, will not scale any higher on this particular ladder". Well he's well and truly shown us! A truly woeful year for Mad Mario has seen him make mistake after mistake. None perhaps more damaging than the one we reported on December 4th:
Poor old Mario. Or stupid old Mario. Whichever way you look at it, Mario Balotelli is in trouble this week after an Instagram picture he posted has been interpreted as being anti-semitic. Ironically, the post had been intended as an anti-racism message, however it has not been well received.
The picture shows Super Mario (the original version) and comes with a "Don't be racist" caption, followed by a description of the character which encompasses a number of nationalities. However the message ends by claiming that Mario "jumps like a black man and grabs coins like a jew".
He was quickly criticised for the post and initially lashed out at those who had complained about the post, assuming they were simply Balotelli-detractors. He tweeted:
"I just know that Those are trying to kill me for my Unlucky moment they ll need to stick with their plan even when i ll be back scoring gols".
That particular tweet was then deleted (perhaps on foot of some well founded legal advice). He then backtracked with the "But my (insert one from family member / friend / goldfish) is (insert race / nationality / religion / sexuality / gender / whatever person has been accused of being against)" defence, with the following tweet:
Finally, Balo then conceded that maybe posting the Instagram picture wasn't his wisest move, with this tweet:
The Instagram post is now being investigated by the FA and a Liverpool spokesperson has told BBC Sport:
"We are aware of the posting which has since been promptly deleted by the player.
"We will be speaking to the player about the issue".
10. Ismail Gundoz
You'd have to be some clown to warrant a 70 game ban...Austrian player Ismail Gundoz managed to do exactly that however and in doing so, made the 2014 Golden Clown Shoe shortlist:
He may have taken things a step further than Paolo Di Canio, but Austrian fifth division player Ismail Gunduz will not have been expecting this punishment. Gunduz had lined out for SK Rum in a match against SPLG Innsbruck and had been booked. In the 86th minute of the game, with his team 3-2 up, Gunduz committed a second bookable offence and was promptly sent off. And Gunduz saw red in more ways than one.
The midfielder attacked the referee, headbutting him, causing him to bleed heavily from his face. The ref suspended the match despite there being only four minutes left, in order to go to hospital.
Gunduz has now been handed a 70 match ban, has been sacked by his club and fined €257. Gunduz has claimed innocence, telling local media he "slipped" and believes the punishment does not fit the crime. He will miss nearly three full seasons.
Horst Scherl, head of the governing FA (the Tyrolean FA), has however dismissed Gunduz's pleas of innocence, stating:
"The 70-match suspension is without precedent as far as we know, but it seemed proportionate to us given the gravity of the offence".
9. Kirill Kombarov
Ever heard of Torpedo Moscow player Kirill Kombarov before? Nope, neither had we until he decided to hire a bear from a circus for his two year old son's party, as reported by Football Circus on 27th November:
Animal rights activists aren't going to like this one. FC Torpedo Moscow midfielder Kirill Kombarov has caused uproar in his home country after hiring a bear out for his son's birthday party. The 27 year old saw the bear perform on television and decided to hire it from the Stepan Nikulin Circus to perform at the party, thinking he would make it party to remember.
Kombarov even went as far as letting his two year old sit on the back of the muzzled bear. How do we know? Because not only is Kirill Kombarov stupid enough to bring a bear into his house for his two year old son's birthday party, he also decided to post pictures of the party on the internet!
Kombarov has since, unsurprisingly, removed the pictures from his Instagram account.
8. Albert Riera
Albert Riera had become one of football's forgotten men - A Quagmire lookalike who was a distant memory of Rafa Benitez's time in charge of Liverpool for many. That was until December 4th when we reported on his exit from Serie A side Udinese:
Former Liverpool winger Albert Riera has allegedly been sacked by his club Udinese after skipping their fixture against Chievo on November 23rd in order to play in poker tournament in Slovenia.
Spaniard Riera, who has sixteen caps for his national team, ended up finishing second in the tournament and pocketed €3,750 for his efforts. However, in spite of the rumours that he was sacked, Udinese have been holding their cards close to their chest on the matter, stating that the player's contract was terminated 'by mutual consent'.
A statement on the club's official website read:
"Udinese Calcio announces that the contract with the footballer Albert Ortega Riera has been terminated by mutual consent.
"Udinese Calcio wishes the footballer all the best for his future career".
Riera appeared to be at pains to deny the allegations that he was sacked, tweeting:
"To clarify, the termination of the contract (is) by mutual agreement, not due to reasons outside the football".
"That bulls*** you hear, neither case was heard, but it is unfortunate only to post lies".
Prior to being 'released by mutual consent', Riera had tweeted that Udinese were the "worst club (he) ever played for". Needless to say the tweet was quickly deleted, although obviously not quick enough.
7. Hamza Sari
Many of this year's Golden Shoe award candidates may wish to reevaluate their lives in 2015. One who we suggest does, is Hamza Sari, whom we reported on in December 4th's edition after he emerged from a dressing room with a knife:
Turkish amateur footballer Hamza Sari stunned onlookers and fellow players alike last weekend when, after being sent off, he returned to the pitch brandishing a knife!
Sari had featured in his team Sakaraya's encounter with Kuzulukspor and was quite unhappy with the referee's decision to show him the red card with ten minutes of play remaining. So unhappy in fact that he remained on the pitch for a number of minutes protesting his dismissal. Eventually, he left, though his absence wouldn't last long. He emerged shortly afterwards with a knife in hand.
The incensed (and possibly clinically insane) Sari, was somehow subdued by three security guards who stopped him from doing something that he and everyone else present would regret. He was later taken to a police station to explain his actions and was released, astoundingly, unpunished. His side lost the match 4-3.
6. Adriano
Adriano featured quite a bit on Football Circus this year, as he indeed did last year. Last year, he failed to make our Golden Clown Shoe shortlist. This year he has and it's thanks to this story featured on April 17th:
Earlier this year Football Circus was delighted to report that Adriano looked to have finally veered his footballing career back on track, having signed with Brazilian side Ateltico Paranaense heading into the Copa Libertadores. All was looking very rosey indeed.
That was until last week.
Given his reputation, Paranense naturally felt obliged to include a 'productivity' condition into the former Inter striker's contract when he signed with the team - Should Adriano not fulfil his professional duties, he would be fired. From January right upto April, all was going swimmingly - Adriano had even avoided controversy during carnival season. And then boom...
On two occasions this week, Adriano has been caught out doing exactly what Adriano does best...partying. The man once heralded as the 'new Ronaldo', was caught on camera by a fan in a nightclub on the eve of a training day. A video was posted on Youtube and that ladies and gentlemen, was the end of Adriano's Atletico Paranaense career.
Following his release, Adriano tweeted:
"My time with the club was very gratifying.
"Now I can keep doing what I like doing the most, which is to play football".
Exactly how he plans on doing that without a club will prove interesting.
5. Ricardo Ferreira
If Ismail Gundoz impressed you with his 70 match ban, prepare to be blown away by Ricardo Ferreira, whom we reported on in our November 6th edition after he was on the receiving end of a 50 year ban:
Amateur Swiss player Ricardo Ferreira has been handed down an incredible fifty year ban after he kicked a ball at a referee's face before proceeding to squirt water at him. The 28 year old Portugal FC player committed the offense following his side's 1-0 defeat by SC Worb.
Shockingly, Ferreira hadn't even played in the match and the incident took place in the tunnel after the game. The league took a dim view of the player's actions, to say the least and have deemed the behaviour worthy of a ban that will mean Ferreira won't play again until he is 78!
Upset and astounded by the ban, Ferreira had the following to say on the matter:
"I had expected one or two years maximum. But 50 years? Football’s my life".
However a lawyer for the Swiss amateur league, Robert Breiter, was unequivocal in his statement about the case:
"We do not want such a player in our league.
"Unfortunately we encounter such cases about once a year".
Ferreira is not a first time offender. He had previously accumulated suspensions totalling 45 games for past indiscretions which include knocking a whistle out of a referee's mouth!
4. Fan who threw Yorkshire Terrier at Ref
The owner of 'Goofy', the Yorkshire Terrier who was thrown at a referee in Spain, should hang his head in shame. Not only did he hurt a poor, defenceless animal, he's also made this year Golden Clown Shoe shortlist:
Football fans have, over the years, been known to throw both dangerous and in some cases unusal missiles at players and referees alike. Coins, bottles, flares and fruit have all made their respective ways onto football pitches at some point in time. Luis Figo famously had the misfortune of having a pigs head hurled in his direction during a Classico. Only last year we reported on a South American match where a fan's false teeth ended up on the pitch. Earlier this month in Spain though, an altogether different type of missile was thrown at a referee - a Yorkshire Terrier.
'Goofy', the unlucky dog in question, was thrown by his owner at the referee during the Comarca del Marmol and La Canada in Andalusia. The poor pooch was left unconscious after hitting the ground on impact, but happily has now recovered. The match itself finished 1-1 and the idiotic fan has this week been fined a mere €200 for his antics by a Spanish court, in addition to being ordered to pay for veterinary expenses and legal costs.
3.Mikael Forssell
Mikael Forssell not only makes the Golden Clown Shoe shortlist this year, he also takes the prize for the worst excuse for missing training ever, as reported by Football Circus on 20th November:
Former Chelsea striker, Mikael Forssell, this week was late for training as...there was a cat standing beside his car. No, really.
The 33 year old Finn who now plays for Bochum, tweeted that he could not leave his house as there was a feline beside his the wheel of his motor. Forsell explained that he was was allergic to cats and that the kitten was "rubbing against the rubber". The tweet came complete with a photo of the offending cat but it was clearly a photo taken from the safety of Forssell's house, as he daren't have ventured outside for fear of what the cat may do.
Since joining Bochum in the summer, Forssell is yet to start a game. If his dedication to training carries on in this ilk, his appearance record is unlikely to improve.
2. Kevin Grosskreutz
Messrs Cesar, Adriano, Maradona and of course Balotelli, appeared multiple times on Football Circus this year. However, the numerous appearances of Kevin Grosskreutz (all due to his drunken behaviour) have placed him at number 2 on our 2014 shortlist. Throwing hotdogs in the faces of opposition fans? Public urination? Take a bow, Kevin:
Only weeks ago were we reporting on how a certain Kevin Grosskreutz was in trouble with the law after allegedly throwing a kebab in the face of a Cologne fan, while on a night out with teammate Julian Schieber. Well, it would seem Mr. Grosskreutz's crass behaviour is showing no signs of abating as he has this week hit the headlines for urinating in public.
German newspaper Bild has reported that following Dortmund's 2-0 defeat by Bayern Munich in the German cup final, Grosskreutz found it appropriate to have a few drinks afterwards. An unlucky defeat, season over, World Cup yet to come - all well and good. However Grosskreutz became so inebriated that onlookers saw him urinating in the lobby of Hotel Berlin at 6A.M. the next morning!
Grosskreutz had reportedly been out in 'Kraftwerk' nightclub prior to his antics. Thereafter, he became embroiled in an argument with a guest of the hotel and police were called to the scene - Grosskreutz had managed to disappear before their arrival though.
Grosskreutz has at least apologised for his actions, telling Bild am Sonntag:
"I was totally frustrated after the game.
"We had planned so much, we really wanted to win the cup. I had a blackout. I'm sorry".
National team manager Joachim Loew outlined that such behaviour would not be tolerated while Grosskreutz is on duty with the national squad:
"Oliver Bierhoff and had a serious talk with Kevin.
"National players are role models, on the pitch as well as off it. We reminded him of this and made it clear to him that such a thing should not happen again.
"Kevin is still young - he is impulsive, he has heart and passion. He shows it when he stands on the pitch. You must also see that Kevin has always behaved properly with the national team. This incident occurred with Borussia Dortmund and there the organisers have already responded".
1. Zdravkov Levidzhov
Man has Manchester United crest tattooed onto forehead and has name legally changed to'Manchester Zdravkov Levidzhov United'. Wins Golden Clown Shoe Award 2014. Congratulations (or commiserations) to Zdravkov Levidzhov who featured in the July 10th edition of Football Circus:
We've encountered many ridiculous football-related tattoos since our inception in spring 2013, but this week we think we've found the worst yet. Manchester United fan Manchester United (you did not read that wrong), formerly Zdravkov Levidzhov, has gotten a tattoo of the club's crest on his head.
The 50 year old Bulgarian, who owns a cat called David Beckham, had his name legally changed to Manchester Zdravkov Levidzhov United in 1999 following the team's Champions League final victory over Bayern Munich.
Fifteen years on, and the United fanatic has taken things a step further, getting the club crest tattooed onto his forehead, which he believes is the ultimate name tag. The bachelor told the Sun newspaper:
"The tattoo's my ID card. People don't look at me in a funny way, they look in admiration".
"Now, whenever someone asks my name, I point to my forehead and smile. It makes me stand out and proves my loyalty to United.
The Sun published the picture below of the lunatic.
That, ladies and gents, concludes our 2014 Golden Clown Shoe Awards and indeed, Football Circus for 2014. Thanks for reading and supporting this year, we'll be back again in January with more of the same.
One last recommendation for the year before we go, 'Christmas in Liverpool' by Monster Monster who've managed to get some airtime at Anfield with this tune. Impressive work!
Artist's Impression of the Week
- 'Happy Christmas 2014 from Football Circus'.
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