In a World Cup week where the last sixteen teams are decided, Luiz Suarez has somehow once again managed to steal the limelight. Italian centre back Giorgio Chiellini followed in the unfortunate footsteps of Branislav Ivanovic and Otman Bakkal and wandered into the path of the rabid Suarez who made Chiellini his third bite victim. We bring you a Football Circus this week that we hope Suarez would be proud of - filled with stories of riots, tattoos and arrests, not to mention the fact that our regular Mario Balotelli feature focuses heavily on Italy's World Cup misery at the hands of Uruguay. And so onwards avid readers of nonsensical football tales to your weekly fix...
Football Circus Clown Quote of the Week
"Next time I'll rip your head off".
- Jordi Alba to a journalist after the Spain-Australia match this week.
You Stay Classy Las Palmas - Fans Run Riot as Team miss out on Promotion
It's not all about the World Cup this week - Las Palmas took on Cordoba at the weekend in a playoff to decide which of the two would partake in the Spanish Primera division next season. Perhaps realising that there's more to life than the World Cup after their national team were sent packing early, the Spanish FA held the playoff on Sunday and may have hoped the game would serve as a spectacle to prove the Spanish game is not dead in the water. What they got was a tightly contested match, but an embarassing display from the fans.
The match was the second game of a two leg encounter, the first having ended 0-0. It finished 1-1, meaning that as the away team, Cordoba went up. Unsatisfied with the outcome, Las Palmas fans ran onto the pitch and attacked the opposition players before looting a water bottle container (the animals!). Riot police were forced to protect the Cordoba players who ran down the tunnel for cover, cutting short their celebrations.
Don't worry South America, if you're too busy for fan violence while the World Cup is on, Europe will take the reigns!
What a Pronker! Dutch Fan gets Van Gaal and Van Persie Tattoos
Some fans often get a little over-zealous during the World Cup. We see all sorts of unusual behaviour - face painting, staying up later to watch matches, the placing of ludicrious bets, wearing silly costumes in support of a team...But what do you do if you really want a lasting memory of a World Cup? Hmm, get a tattoo perhaps? Well that's exactly what Dutch singer Andre Pronk has done, at the double in fact.
Pronk has had Dutch manager Louis Van Gaal's face along with a mid-diving-header Robin Persie tattooed onto his back. The Netherlands have merely progressed past the group stages of the tournament thus far, however Pronk appears to be so confident in his national side that he has already taken the bold / insane step of having Van Gaal and Van Persie permanently etched onto his body. As crazy as the tattoos may seem, Pronk does not look like the kind of man who will regret his actions any time soon, as the tattoos are the third and fourth he has on now heavily inked-up back.
Spanish Team Plane Hit by Lightning
Another stroke of bad luck or a lightning bolt to rejuvenate the Spanish team after their World Cup misery? That's what Spanish fans are asking after discovering that the Spanish national team's plane was struck by lightning as it brought the team home from Brazil.
As the aircraft came in to land in Madrid at around 10AM on Wednesday, the lightning struck it. Fortunately no passengers nor crew were harmed, nor in fact was the plane itself. In spite of their shambolic World Cup performance, the Spanish squad may find they have one thing to be thankful for.
Hopeless! US Women's National Team Keeper Hope Solo Arrested
The US national men's team maybe making headlines for their exciting and entertaining matches they've participated in in the World Cup, but the biggest headline surrounding the women's team this week is that of the arrest of goalkeeper Hope Solo for an alleged assault on her sister and nephew.
32 year old Solo was arrested at her home this week following accusations that she had assaulted her sister and 17 year old nephew on Saturday, while intoxicated. Solo's defence team argue that she was in fact the victim of an assault rather than the other way round.
The two-time Olympic gold medalist will appear in court on Monday in her hometown of Seattle, where she also plays her club football for the Seattle Reign.
What's Mad Mario Upto this Week?
It seems just as soon as Balotelli's World Cup was getting going, it was over. This time last week all was looking rosey on planet Balotelli. Just one game played and a goal to his name, our World Cup prediction that Balo would lead Italy to the quarter finals and rack up at least two goals on the way, was looking so promising. Then bang. Two games later and it's all over. Two reasonably unlucky 1-0 defeats to South American opposition have sent Balotelli and co. packing.
And how has Balotelli fared in his final two matches of the 2014 World Cup? Well not too well actually. He looked invisible against Costa Rica then, following a silly a booking against Uruguay, he was taken off at half time. And so that's it for Balo's World Cup dream.
However, Balotelli has still managed to make some non-World Cup related headlines this week. He has been heavily linked with a move to Arsenal. Talk is rife that Super Mario could make a £27 million move to London this summer, with Arsene Wenger said to have met with his agent Mino Raiola in Brazil. Wenger is currently in Brazil working for French television channel TF1 as a pundit. Reporter Francois Piraux even tweeted that Wenger would not be present on the channel on June 23rd as he was busy meeting agents.
To add further fuel to the fire, reports in Italy suggest that Puma, Arsenal's new kit manufacturer are eager to see a deal done between the two parties as Balotelli has a huge boot deal with them.
So Mad Mario is on his way home to Italy...but for how long will he stay there?
Italian Football Story of the Week
- Seedorf Milan Departure far from Amicable
With Filipe Inzaghi having taken over from deposed manager Clarence Seedorf at AC Milan, one could be forgiven for thinking we had heard the last about Seedorf's turbulent time at the helm of the Rossoneri. However Milan have not heard the last of the Dutchman.
Gazzetta dello Sport this week report that Seedorf, currently working as a pundit for BBC at the World Cup, is seeking as much as €10 million in compensation from the Serie A giants. Having been unable to agree a suitable compensation package, Seedorf is technically on gardening leave and will not be letting Milan off easy.
Meanwhile, Seedorf's former assistant at Milan Mauro Tassotti has taken a swipe at his former gaffer.
Speaking to reporters, Tassotti lamented:
"It wasn’t an easy relationship.
"But that is all in the past so it’s useless talking about it.
"I haven’t spoken to him since it happened. I tried to work with him in the best way possible by putting myself at his disposal.
"But you have to feel like it’s a collaboration, and feel easy working together – it didn’t feel like that.
"I was very close to leaving Milan.
"But then I was told that there would be a new man coming in and I was wanted as part of the coaching staff.
"I spoke with Pippo and with the club and decided to stay after that".
World Cup Fantasy Football Team and Predictions
- Football Circus World Cup 2014 Fantasy Football Team
Well with the knockout stage now over, we can have a good look at how our team of clowns are doing. The lads running the FIFA McDonald's Fantasy World Cup website must have been reading our moan last week that we were unable to find out how many teams were registered, because we can now confirm there are 994,272. And how are the Football Circus boys doing? Our Balotelli-lead super team are ranked...(drum roll)...624,696th. Dear oh dear. Maybe we were better off not knowing. Some re-jigging will certainly need to be done with six of our starting lineup, including our whole Balotelli-focused three pronged attack (sniffle), all eliminated.
- Football Circus 10 World Cup Predictions
A recap of our now somewhat embarrassing predictions made pre-World Cup:
1. Italy to progress to at least the quarter-finals with Mario Balotelli scoring at least two goals along the way
2. Kevin Grosskreutz to do something stupid
3. The Dutch squad to have a massive falling out
4. The French squad to have a massive falling out
5. Wayne Rooney to be pants
6. Cristiano Ronaldo to finally make an impact at the World Cup
7. Javier Mascherano to be sent off
8. Spain to relinquish their crown as champions
9. At least one team to blame poor performance on the heat
10. Julio Cesar to cry
2. Kevin Grosskreutz to do something stupid
3. The Dutch squad to have a massive falling out
4. The French squad to have a massive falling out
5. Wayne Rooney to be pants
6. Cristiano Ronaldo to finally make an impact at the World Cup
7. Javier Mascherano to be sent off
8. Spain to relinquish their crown as champions
9. At least one team to blame poor performance on the heat
10. Julio Cesar to cry
Well we're now officially incorrect on number 1 with Italy's failure to progress past the group stage. Grosskreutz is failing us thus far on number 2. Predictions 3 and 4 are looking all the more woeful as the tournament progresses. However we have been proven correct on number 8 and we're taking half a point on number 5 - Rooney managed one goal but hardly looked impressive in any of England's three games. We'd also be lying to ourselves and to you if we were say Cristiano Ronaldo's performances have lit up the tournament. And we really missed a beat by not guessing the Suarez bite. We're contemplating sending Julio Cesar a package containing chopped onions just to save face at this point.
Artist's Impression of the Week
- 'Leaving on a Jet Plane'. Balotelli returns home after a disappointing World Cup.
Football Recommendation of the Week
- Futebol: The Brazilian Way of Life (Alex Bellos); Sucked in yet by samba soccer and all that goes with it? If the 2014 World Cup has so far failed to whet your appetite, try Alex Bellos' impressive 'Futebol: The Brazilian Way of Life' and you may be feeling the samba beat before the final takes place at least.
Non-Football Recommendation of the Week
- Bill Maher: But I'm Not Wrong; Not gonna lie to you. Some weeks at Football Circus we struggle to provide a decent 'Non-Football Recommendation of the Week'. Sometimes we wonder if there really is more to life than football. This is one of those weeks. We're of an "anything that's worth inventing has already been invented" frame of mind this week. So this week, although it may not be brand spanking new, we're suggesting you watch some Bill Maher - simply because he's pretty damned entertaining.
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