Welcome to a very special World Cup edition of Football Circus. We have quite a read in store for you this week. A 'bumper' edition if you may, not only do we bring you your weekly update of nonsensical stories et al, but we're also going to treat you to our Football Circus World Cup Fantasy Football team and ten bold World Cup predictions. So fasten your seatbelts and prepare to have your asses entertained.
The Octopus is Dead...Long Live the Panda
Paul the Octopus was possibly the only octopus ever to be known by name by millions of people across the globe. His predictions during World Cup 2010 have become a thing of legend. And it was with great sadness that we learnt of his passing in October 2010.
However, with new World Cups come new animals tasked with predicting the outcomes of matches. World Cup 2014 is no different and this year, it is the turn of an unnamed panda from China to perform a ridiculous task on a regular basis with likely varying outcomes, for idiotic humans to interpret as being some kind of 'prediction'.
The panda cub will, if all goes to plan, climb a tree with a nation's flag on top of it to signify who will win a match. If our calculations are correct, the young 'un will be climbing trees 64 times between now and mid-July if it is to predict each match.
Hailing from the Sichuan region of china, the cub, accordingly to local media 'accepted an invitation' to predict the matches. Exactly whom this alleged invitation came from is beyond us. In fact, you could say we're a bit bamboozled.
Grosskreutz in Trouble with Dortmund Fans
We have a measure here at Football Circus...If a footballer features in a story making him look like a bit of plonker twice, he's likely not the sharpest tool in the shed, but may have been unlucky. If he features three times, he's a full on clown. So, Kevin Grosskreutz, take a bow and welcome to the circus.
The Borussia Dortmund and Germany midfielder, first appeared on Football Circus on the 8th of May for throwing a kebab at a fan. On May 29th he featured again, this time for relieving himself in a hotel lobby. Now, on June 12th, he's made it a hattrick by offending fans of his own club whilst on World Cup duty.
The Dortmund man has been pictured wearing a t-shirt bearing an image of the Bayern Munich basketball team coach, Svetislav Pesic, giving two thumbs up. The Dortmund fans are likely to be pretty non-plussed by Grosskreutz's choice of apparel, given their team lost out to Bayern in the Bundesliga and German Cup last season, in addition to Mario Goetze and Robert Lewandowski switching allegiances over the past two summers.
Julio Cesar Breaks Down in Tears as he bids Farewell to Toronto...After Seven Matches!
There have been some painful goodbyes this year in world football. Messrs Giggs, Zanetti and Puyol all bid farewell to their respective clubs after years of service. All three will have felt a deep sense of sorrow as they left their fans and teammates behind. So spare a thought also for poor Julio Cesar who had to face the sadness of saying goodbye to his Toronto FC teammates after three whole months and seven matches of playing alongside them.
Toronto have published a cringe-inducing video of Cesar's goodbye, as he is presented with a framed picture from his teammates.
Cesar, wearing only a towel in the video, gives it the old "I promised myself I wouldn't cry", but of course bawls his eyes out and sobs like a baby. He tells his teammates, his Toronto experience was "one of the best experiences of (his) life". We can only imagine what he was like when he left Inter Milan. Oh wait. We don't need to...
Ow! Robin Van Persie!
Every World Cup there's a list of players who would have been guaranteed to play but had to stay at home due to injury. There's always a select few who will disappoint even the neutral fans by their non-appearance. This World Cup is no different and Marco Reus, Radamel Falcao and Franck Ribery will be notable by their absence.
Robin Van Persie can thank his lucky stars then, that he has not made onto the list of the doomed, as the striker who seems to have been plagued by injury for most of his career, had a close shave this week.
RVP had a run-in with a kite surfer as he and teammate Daryl Janmaat were strolling along the strand of the famous Ipanema beach in Rio de Janeiro. The kite surfer collided with the pair and despite initial fears that the incident had left Van Persie hurt, the Dutch FA have since confirmed that he escaped with "light scratches".
Janmaat said of the incident:
"I almost got a kite on my head. There was a man kitesurfing and he fell on the very spot where I was".
That's one injury that Van Persie couldn't prepare himself for in Manchester.
What's Mad Mario Upto this Week?
You'd think that preparing for Italy's biggest match in four years would be enough for Balo this week, but oh no. Balotelli is set to square off against Engerland on Saturday in what promises to be quite a tasty opening World Cup fixture for both sides. Not content to hog the limelight on the pitch though, the ever humble Mario has uploaded a cartoon of himself taking the place of the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio to his Instagram account.
Indeed it would be fair to say that Super Mario certainly hasn't shyed away from his Instagram account while on World Cup duty, uploading photos and videos aplenty over the past week, not least this one...
(We particularly like the fourth comment, "Come to arsenal" - Completely ignore the fact that he's just gotten engaged!).
Yes that's right, Balo popped the question this week and his long term girlfriend Fanny Neguesha responded affirmatively. It's a date Balotelli is unlikely to forget as it was also Fanny's birthday. The lucky lady, in similar fashion to her husband to be, took to Instagram (where else) to address her new status as Mario's fiancee with a video of her celebrating the news and message which read:
"Tonight, I said the most important yes of my life. That was the best present for my birthday! I love you first and unique husband".
Engagement and playing in the World Cup all in one week? Balotelli has truly lived upto his "Super Mario" billing.
Italian Football Story of the Week
- Inzaghi Takes the Reigns at Milan
Just months after being appointed as manager by AC Milan, former player Clarence Seedorf has been given the old heave-ho by the ruthless Serie A club. Shown the door faster than he could say "time to steady the ship", Seedorf will be replaced by former Milan teammate Pippo Inzaghi, who looks to have his work cut out.
With Italy due to kick off in the World Cup this week, president Silvio Berlusconi may be hoping that Seedorf's dismissal and Inzaghi's appointment have fallen under the radar to a degree, as many fans of the club feel Seedorf was not given enough time to steer the club back to success, especially given his status as a club legend. Add rumours that Seedorf was informed of his sacking by email to the mix, and Inzaghi will have every reason to feel that the knives will be out for him from a very early stage.
Nevertheless, Inzaghi has taken to his official website to announce his delight at his new role:
"I’m very happy, today for me is an unforgettable day.
"I thank the President Berlusconi and the whole club for their confidence and the prestigious professional opportunity they have granted to me.
"I’m honoured and proud to be the Coach of a team that has been my life for so many years. It is a team and a club with which I have shared joy and unforgettable moments.
"I will give everything of myself for these colours, passion and determination, as I have always done both as a player and as Coach of the youth teams.
"A hug to all Rossoneri fans. Forza Milan!".
World Cup Fantasy Football Team and Predictions
- Football Circus World Cup 2014 Fantasy Football Team
Given the week that it is, we have taken the liberty of creating a Football Circus fantasy World Cup team on the official FIFA website (http://en.mcdonalds.fantasy.fifa.com/). We've created a team of players, many of whom have featured on Football Circus in the past (some repeat offenders - Kevin Grosskreutz, being one), some of whom we consider clowns despite not (yet) having appeared on Football Circus and a few stragglers who were cheaply priced and made up the numbers. Every one of the first team lineup at least has featured on Football Circus previously. We look forward to seeing how the team fares as the competition progresses and thoroughly expect them to amass an embarassing points total. The team is captained by who else, but Mario Balotelli. We hope you follow their / our fortunes over the next month. The team lines up as follows:
With the following bench:
If you want to check out the team, our username is fcircus. Sadly, some Football Circus regulars such as Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Nicklas Bendtner and, shockingly, Emmanuel Frimpong, will not be at the World Cup. We're confident that Balotelli, Ronaldo, Grosskreutz and co. though, will do them proud.
- Football Circus 10 World Cup Predictions
1. Italy to progress to at least the quarter-finals with Mario Balotelli scoring at least two goals along the way
2. Kevin Grosskreutz to do something stupid
3. The Dutch squad to have a massive falling out
4. The French squad to have a massive falling out
5. Wayne Rooney to be pants
6. Cristiano Ronaldo to finally make an impact at the World Cup
7. Javier Mascherano to be sent off
8. Spain to relinquish their crown as champions
9. At least one team to blame poor performance on the heat
10. Julio Cesar to cry
2. Kevin Grosskreutz to do something stupid
3. The Dutch squad to have a massive falling out
4. The French squad to have a massive falling out
5. Wayne Rooney to be pants
6. Cristiano Ronaldo to finally make an impact at the World Cup
7. Javier Mascherano to be sent off
8. Spain to relinquish their crown as champions
9. At least one team to blame poor performance on the heat
10. Julio Cesar to cry
Artist's Impression of the Week
- 'The World's Best gather in Rio for World Cup 2014'
Football Recommendation of the Week
- The World Cup Balls; An awesome artisitic look back at every football ever used at the World Cup.
Non Football Recommendation of the Week
- 22 Jump Street; The sequel to, believe it or not, 21 Jump Street, this is a sequel that may in fact outshine it's predecessor. A lot of laugh out loud moments, hard to find fault with Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum's offering. You should definitely try and fit this in, between World Cup matches of course.
Don't forget you can follow us on Twitter @footballcircus or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/pages/Football-Circus/418804204906352
You can also contact us at footballcircus@gmail.com
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