We're on the cusp of the 2015/16 season beginning in many of Europe's big leagues and in this week's Football Circus, we make 15 bold predictions based on...absolutely nothing really. We're also quite Cristiano Ronaldo-heavy in content this week as the superstar got lippy during an interview and one of his biggest fans was revealed. Faustino Asprilla makes a welcome appearance in a story featuring a €67,000 horse and a drunk friend; and a judge in Germany has doled out a peculiar punishment to two 1860 Munich supporting yobs...
Football Circus Clown Quote of the Week
"Van Dijk can't reach that, I'm sorry...unless he's on a Yamaha 500...which he's not".
- Sky Sports' Neil McCann points out the obvious after Celtic played Ross County last weekend.
Grumpy Ronaldo Throws Toys Out of Pram during Interview
Cristiano Ronaldo showed himself in a less than flattering light this week, when he reacted poorly to an interviewer's questions. The Real Madrid star was being interviewed by CNN Espanol's Andres Oppenheimer. The Portuguese forward had been hoping to promote headphones during the interview but unfortunately, the questions didn't quite go as he wanted.
Ronnie was asked for his thoughts on the FIFA corruption scandal. He responded:
"Do you want me to be honest? It doesn’t worry me at all. I do my profession, my job, I give me all for my club … the rest doesn’t matter to me. I don’t care what happens on the outside".
Oppenheimer then inquired as to what do Ronaldo and his team mates discuss in the dressing room, if not matters such as FIFA corruption.
Ronaldo snappily answered:
"About music, about women, about fashion, about shoes, about suitcases/bags, about jewellery, about haircuts … any more you want me to list?".
Seemingly intent on poking the beehive, Oppenheimer then attempted to swing the conversation round to Qatar's hosting of the 2022 World Cup.
The Real Madrid man, clearly unimpressed at this point, replied:
"I can’t speak like that.
"This is bullshit. Speak about Fifa, I don’t care about Fifa. And Qatar … I don’t give a fuck. What you want me to do? Speak about product, he speaks about FIFA… come on".
Will the Real Ronaldo Please Stand Up?
Until now, most of us had only been aware of two Ronaldo's. Well now, there are three. A 17 year old Dane has paid thousands to look like his idol, the aforementioned, toy-out-of-pram-throwing, Cristiano Ronaldo. In fact Shanta 'Ronaldo' has even taken on the superstar's surname. Shanta's Twitter profile states:
"Met all the Real Madrid players on Dec 9 2013, Oct 16 & 17 Nov 6,7 & 8 2014 & Feb 12,13, 14 & March 9 & April 10, 11,12 & 13 HALA MADRID! CRISTIANO RONALDO!".
Not content with meeting his hero and his team mates however, the teenager who hails from Odense, does his best to resemble old Ronnie. In an interview with the Mirror, Shanta confessed:
"My obsession for Cristiano is enormous. I've no idea how much I've spent emulating him it's definitely in the thousands though. The reason I wanted to get a life like him is that he is rich, famous and living the life.
"I've met him for a couple of times and I can't explain such a fantastic person he is. He used his time very good for me where we spoke a lot. I waited every day at Valdebebas [where Real Madrid train] from 9am to 2pm just to see him. Now, he knows me it means every time I go to Madrid I can meet him, which I am so proud of. Wherever, CR7 goes I'm with him. He even knows it himself. I try to visit him as soon as possible. I'm already planning my next trip which is very soon.
"He's not just my passion, but he motivates me. All my friends, my family call me Cristiano Ronaldo. They know my passion and respect it. Some may think I'm crazy, but that's the way I am. People tell me, 'be yourself' but I cannot be myself more than I am now".
The real Cristiano Ronaldo may have to get the authorities involved soon.
Faustino Asprilla Reclaims Horse After Drunk Friend Gives It Away
Faustino Asprilla has always been seen as slightly, well...loco. Never far from a controversial story, Asprilla has, over the years, been linked with guns, drugs and some extremely disappointed Doncaster Rovers fans. The last we'd heard of him, he was busy promoting his own line of condoms. This week, Tino's been back in the news and the story doesn't disappoint...
According to Colombian media, Asprilla recently loaned his horse, Lucas, to a friend, to ride at the Buga Fair parade. Said friend later became intoxicated at the fair and decided to give Lucas away to two young men. But Lucas isn't just any old horse. He's €62,000 worth of horse.
On discovering Lucas' disappearance, a desperate (if a little stingey) Asprilla offered a reward of around €1,500 for his recovery. And he was in luck. After being missing since the 17th of April, Lucas was found unharmed in a stable in the town of Florida, as revealed by regional police chief Fernando Murillo.
Murillo told El Espectador:
"It had been left there by some people we are now seeking.
"What really happened was that Tino lent the horse to a friend who, in a drunken state, had given it away to two young men".
With friends like those, eh?
Judge Orders 1860 Munich Hooligans to Buy Bayern Merchandise
A German judge, who found two 1860 Munich fans guilty of assaulting a Bayern fan last year, has handed down a quite unusual punishment. After 1860 played Bayern II, the two 1860 thugs assaulted the Bayern fan at a train station. They also tore off the victim's jacket, shirt and hat.
But instead of imposing a 15 month prision sentence, which was the maximum penalty, judge Karin Jung took a more unorthodox approach when handing down her punishment to the guilty fans. She ordered them to buy Bayern memorabilia from Bayern's club shop! The pair were informed that they would have to spend €100 on Bayern merchandise in addition to paying the 1860 fan damages of €500.
Said Jung:
"It was like a highway robbery from the Middle Ages. I wanted to give a judgement that football is football, it's not a battlefield. I was thinking, 'What would really hurt a football fan?'. And these measures were what I came up with.
A defence lawyer commented:
"These are not two hardcore football fans who would prefer to go to jail than buy a kit from the Bayern shop. For my clients it was that or face the maximum penalty".
What's Mad Mario Upto this Week?
Unperturbed by persistent rumours linking him with a move away from Anfield, Balo's been busy partying this week. Back in Italy after seemingly having been informed by Brendan Rogers that he is surplus to requirements, Super Mario was photographed in Portofino outside a bar, play fighting with friends. As time edges closer to the closure of the transfer window, Balo's future still remains unclear, with no club looking willing to take a punt on him. What is clear, is that he couldn't really care less!
He's also been hanging out with a hawk this week...
...and has been mocked on Twitter by a TalkSport presenter...
Just another week in the life of Mad Mario.
Italian Football Story of the Week
- Pirlo Finding MLS Tough
Andrea Pirlo is discovering that life in the MLS isn't just an easy pay cheque. Pirlo's New York City lost 3-2 to Montreal Impact at the weekend and the former Italian international told a press conference after the game that he is finding the MLS to be a tough league, although he had suspected it would be.
Said the former Juventus midfielder:
"It wasn’t a great game, but like I said last time, it takes time to build a team, so these things can happen. Unfortunately we conceded in the beginning but we did our best and we’ll keep improving.
"I’m someone that likes touching the ball, we are looking to get to the best play, we’ve only been together for a short amount of time so it’ll take time to find ourselves as a team all together.
"We need to work on our defence because it’s very important to not concede. We conceded six goals in the past couple of games so it’s definitely something we need to work on.
"MLS is what I expected, a tough league especially when you play in this kind of heat. I hope I’ll be able to continue to improve physically, I feel fine even though it was hot, we’ve been training for 10 days so it’s not really a matter of how many minutes I’ve played, the thing is about playing well.
"I’m here to help teach some of my experience professionally and tactically. The important thing is we all work together to make soccer successful in America".
The Football Circus 2015/16 Predictions
With domestic leagues all across Europe on the verge of kicking off, we thought we'd take it upon ourselves to make some predictions for the forthcoming season. Check back here in June to ridicule / congratulate us on our idiocy / foresight. If our World Cup predictions last year are anything to go by, it's probably best you don't rush down to the bookies just yet.
1. Manchester United fail to reach the Champions League proper, then finish outside the top 4 in the Premier League, resulting in Louis Van Gaal's sacking.
2. Arsenal to win the Premier League.
3. Juventus to win Serie A.
4. Barcelona to win La Liga.
5. Bayern Munich to win the Bundesliga.
6. PSG to win Ligue 1.
7. Pep Guardiola to be gone from Bayern Munich by June after again failing in the Champions League, but he will not go to Man City.
8. Mario Balotelli to leave Liverpool in the last week of the transfer window but will again fail to make an impact wherever he goes.
9. Nicklas Bendtner to score at least five goals.
10. Zlatan Ibrahimovic to get sent off at least once this season.
11. Rafa Benitez to be gone from Real Madrid by June, but the team will reach the Champions League final nonetheless.
12. Jose Mourinho to fall out with Roman Abramovich again, blame his own shortcomings on anyone and everyone but himself and be gone from Chelsea by June.
13. Ravel Morrison to wow Serie A.
14. Harry Kane to have a difficult season and fail to reach the heights he did last season.
15. A frustrated Cristiano Ronaldo's form will finally start to decline as age begins to catch up with him.
Artist's Impression of the Week
- 'Spitting Image'; Ronaldo impersonator spends a fortune to look like his idol.
Football Recommendation of the Week
- Bolow & Schumann; Two Danish artists who speciailise in drawing footballers.
Non-Football Recommendation of the Week
- Serial; A non-fiction documentary style podcast, in which the 1999 murder of Baltimore teen Hae Min Lee is investigated. A pretty fascinating listen for anyone with an interest in crime investigation.
http://serialpodcast.org/
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