footballcircus: Go Ahead, Make My Day

If you're just about surviving on the Women's World Cup, the Copa America, Under-21's Euros and transfer rumours, fear not. Football Circus is back again for your weekly fix of nonsense. This week week we report on a former Rangers player being victim of the least funny TV prank in history; the scariest looking mascot we've ever encountered; distracted Jamaicans; and some outside-the-box thinking from Dutch club Go Ahead Eagles.

Football Circus Clown Quote of the Week

"I'm shaking my head in agreement here".

- Martin Keown

Bougherra held at Gunpoint for TV Prank

In what was potentially the least amusing wind up of all time, former Rangers defender Madjid Bougherra, was this week kidnapped and held at gunpoint for an Algerian television prank. Bougherra was shown in a cafe when all of a sudden, a number of masked men, armed with guns, entered the building, pointing them at Bougherra and other 'customers'.

32 year old Bougherra, who now plays in the UAE with Al-Fujairah, was then bundled into a room with the other customers, where amazingly the defender kept a cool head and tried to keep everyone calm. The group were then blindfolded, put into vehicles which drove into the desert and made to kneel down while guns were pointed at their heads.

Only at this point was it revealed to Bougherra that he had been stitched up and was being featured on television show, 'Camera Cache'. Hilarious stuff altogether...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7C7f5llmk8

New Partick Thistle Mascot is Terrifying

Partick Thistle's new mascot has been causing quite a frenzy this week. The Scottish team's mascot, whom they've named 'Kingsley', looks like a character from a Tim Burton movie and is likely to haunt the dreams of football loving Scottish children for years to come. Kingsley replaces Partick's outgoing mascot, the cute and cuddly Jaggy MacBee.

The mascot, whom many fans have deemed to look like "Lisa Simpson having a bad day", was designed by artist David Shrigley. Shrigley seems thoroughly chuffed with his creation and told the club's official website:

"As a Jags man it’s an honour to be involved with the club in this way. I can’t wait to see my design on the front of the shirts and around Firhill and just hope the fans like what we’re trying to do. It’s safe to say we have a few surprises in store for the supporters and we’re already in talks with a few other artists to arrange some pretty exciting giveaways over the course of the season".

Somehow we don't envision Kingsley's tenure as club mascot lasting too long...

Jamaica have Other Priorities at Copa America

Jamaica's Copa America participation was far from fruitful in a footballing sense. The team finished bottom of Group C on zero points, having scored zero goals and conceded three from their three matches. Nonetheless, some of their players did find silver linings.

Leicester captain Wes Morgan was rather enthused by the collection of jerseys he managed to build up, as showcased on his Twitter account. His manager must be wondering whether his focus going into the games was actually on the games themselves, or what the best tactic would be to nab Messi, Neymar et al after the full time whistles to request their shirts.

Deshorn Brown's actions after the Jamaica-Argentina game were slightly more embarrassing. The forward, who was clearly star struck, made his way over to Lionel Messi and took a selfie on his phone. Team mate Jobi McAnuff tried to convince Brown that he was overstepping the mark a bit, but a delighted Brown was having none of it and even showed off the photo in the press area afterwards.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yApVwQenjw

Go Ahead, Have a Seat on the Board of Directors

Remember our story a few weeks back about the manager who hired a crane to watch his team play after being handed a stadium ban? Well this story may just rival it.

The superbly named Dutch team Go Ahead Eagles have miraculously gained entry to next season's Europa League via the fair play system. It will be the first time they have partaken in European football since 1965. However to qualify for the competition proper, they must first overcome Hungarian side Ferencvaros. The only problem for their fans hoping to travel to the away leg? Ferencvaros are currently serving a stadium ban.

Eagles fan Henk de Haan was particularly heartbroken as he had won a competition for an all expenses paid trip to Budapest to see the clash. All was not lost though, as the good folk at Go Ahead Eagles swooped in to save the day. The generous and smart staff decided that they would name De Haan and his wife on the club's board of directors and now the couple will get to see the match afterall! Awwww.

What's Mad Mario Upto this Week?

Sweet Fanny Adams is the answer to this week's "What's Mad Mario upto?" conundrum. He's been seen shopping in Milan with daughter Pia and her mother and his ex-girlfriend, Raffaella Fico, igniting rumours that the trio may have reunited as a family.

The striker was also said to be staying put at Liverpool this week as Besiktas have turned their attention to Newcastle's Papiss Cisse as a replacement for West Brom bound Demba Ba.

That's really it this week from Balo. Though he did post this picture of himself looking rather dapper on Instagram...

Italian Football Story of the Week

- Parma Declared Bankrupt, Relegated to Serie D

Nobody can say they didn't see it coming. Parma have finally been declared bankrupt and have been relegated to Serie D. A club statement this week read:
"The administrators of Parma FC, Dr. Angelo Anedda and Dr. Alberto Guion, communicated that as of 14.00 today, June 22 2015, no offers have been received for the sporting rights of the club.

"In the coming hours the administrators will meet with the creditor’s committee and the bankruptcy judge Dr Pietro Rogato to make the necessary arrangements for the bankruptcy proceedings".

Manager Demetrio Albertini had the following to say on the matter:

"Obscene previous management dealt a serious blow to a glorious club representing an important city.

"In the last three months we’ve been working hard to try and do what we can. We managed to secure the provisional budget, and brought the sporting debt down from €80million to €22million.

"We did that thanks to the players waiving debts.

"However, I’m certain that Parma will be able to lick their wounds, roll up their sleeves and start again".

Whilst Fiorentina did once manage to recover from a similar situation, it is questionable whether Parma will be able to do the same.

Artist's Impression of the Week

- 'A Messi Selfie'; Jamaica forward in awe of Argentina striker.