footballcircus: Greed, Sloth and Three Marios

Welcome to the 113th edition of this blog we call Football Circus. As the long, drawn out, relatively barren (save for the Copa America, U21 Euros, Women's World Cup, pre-season friendlies, Champions League qualifiers, Europa League qualifiers and a few domestic leagues in places such as Ireland and the USA) summer continues, Football Circus is once again here to quench your thirst for juicy, nonsensical football stories. This week we have three Marios, a greedy Gervinho, a lazy Eto'o and a noble German club. And if that's not enough, our Italian Football Story of the Week involves an exorcism...

Football Circus Clown Quote of the Week

"Sessegnon gets it on his left hand foot".

- Iain Dowie.

Gervinho Too Greedy for Abu Dhabi Move

Former Arsenal star Gervinho proved something of a success when he moved to AS Roma, having been widely deemed a let down during his time with the Gunners. So, having rejuvenated his career somewhat with the Serie A club, it came as a surprise to many that the Ivorian looked all set for a move to Abu Dhabi this summer.

Given relevations in the media this week however, Gervinho's motives for the move are no longer in question. The team who were in talks with the forward were Al Jazira, but they were put off when the 28 year old advised them of his demands. According to Sport 360, an Al Jazira source stated:

"The deal hit a stumbling block because of the excessive demands on his four-year deal.

"He started making obscene demands, so the transfer is off.

"It is better for us to call this transfer off now, rather than live with a player for a few months who is likely to cause problems because of his wage demands".

Allegedly, the demands included the supply of his own personal helicopter, access to his own private beach and an unlimited amount of plane tickets to the Ivory Coast so he could come and go as he pleased. Makes Yaya Toure's hissy fit over a birthday cake last year seem quite reasonable!

Mainz to Offload Gonzalo Jara Following Shocking Copa America Behaviour

Following Chile defender Gonzalo Jara's appalling behaviour at the Copa America which led to Edison Cavani being sent off for Uruguay, his club in Germany, Mainz, had announced that they plan to sell the player. Jara hit the headlines after these antics resulted in global derision of the player himself and his country...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oab1mdPy33Q

Now his club side have had their say on the matter and it's not good news for the misbehaving Chilean. Speaking to German newspaper, Bild, Mainz's sporting director Christian Heidel stated:

"He knows that if an offer comes, he can go.

"We do not tolerate that. More than the prod, however, it is what comes afterwards that makes me angry. I hate theatrics more than anything".

What A Good-tze Guy! Bayern Star Helps Angry FIFA Player

An angry FIFA player last week sent Bayern Munich a Facebook message which contained a photo of the remnants of his controller which had been smashed following a missed penalty by one Mario Gotze. Mario Thissen wrote the following message to Bayern Munich:

"Please pass on the following message to my idol:

Hello Mario!

You owe me €49.90 for a new controller.

You missed a penalty in the 90th minute in FIFA, thank you!

I will send you my account details tomorrow".

Surprisingly, Gotze himself took the opportunity to reply, with the following message:

"Hello Mario,

To miss a penalty in the 90th minute is a bitter moment. That makes you very frustrated and I can understand that. What happened to Thomas Muller?
Do not simply throw your gamepad in the corner—that cannot do! I’ll order a small package (a small surprise) for you. Next time, I’ll do it for real. I promise!
All the best, Mario!".

Lazy Eto'o - Striker Replicates Farewell Letter

Samuel Eto'o hasn't looked the player he once was since leaving Inter Milan. Spells at Chelsea, Everton and most recently, Sampdoria, have left fans of the Cameroonian underwhelmed. Far be it for us to suggest that the striker became lazy on the pitch and is now merely in it for the pay cheques. Age of course could well be a factor for his waning performances of recent years. His farewell letters to fans however, well, we're not afraid to call laziness on these...On leaving Everton in January, Eto'o penned the following 'heartfelt' letter to Toffees fans:

"Dear Toffees,

I've been blessed to spend these past few months with you.

To my pleasure, I have discovered here a crowd of warm, passionate, affectionate and supportive fans... It's time for me to leave, but wherever I go, I will bring with me all the memories we've built together.

A special "Thank You" to the Everton staff who helped me settle down and of course to our manager Roberto, who made all of that possible.

It was an honour to be part of your army.

You will always be in my heart.

Yours Sincerely,

Samuel Eto'o".

Flash forward a few months, and Eto'o is already on his way out of Sampdoria with a move to Turkish team Antalyaspor looking likely. Cue Eto'o feeling the need to express his gratitude to the fans of the Serie A club. This time he wrote:

"Dear Blucerchiati ,

I've been blessed to spend these past few months with you.

To my pleasure, I have discovered here a crowd of warm, passionate, affectionate and supportive fans... It's time for me to leave, but wherever I go, I will always remember what it is to be in a place where football is not only a passion but a way to keep a family together.

A BIG "Thank You" to the U.C. Sampdoria staff who helped me settle down and gave me the opportunity to once again experience the pleasure to play in the Serie A. Thank you to Sampdoria Lawyer Romei Antonio for his constant help…Of course a special “Thank you”, to our president, a father to me, who made it all of that possible. He believed in me from the first to the last minute, and for that I will forever be grateful to him.

It was an honour to be part of your army.

You will always be in my heart".

What's Mad Mario Upto this Week?

Any potential move to Sampdoria this summer looks to be off the cards for Balo after Sampdoria manager Walter Zanega ruled out a move both for Super Mario and international team mate, Antonio Cassano. Said Zanega:

"Cassano and Balotelli are players of extraordinary talent, but no, we won’t be signing them.

"We have already made three or four buys. There’s Edgar Barreto, Niklas Moisander, Federico Bonazzoli and Mattia Cassani. We got Cassani to plug the gap after Lorenzo De Silvestri’s injury.

"The club acted quickly in the transfer market and we are building a good squad".

Meanwhile, Balotelli took to Instagram to post a phot he took outside a shop window which contained toy models of Superman, Captain America, Spiderman, Ironman and non other than Balotelli himself. Balotelli accompanied the picture with the caption: "Lol I want them!!!". Playing with toy models, how bloody childish!".

Italian Football Story of the Week

- Lazio President Lotito Claims Calls with Pulvirenti were over an Exorcism
We've had some weird stories come out of Italy before and a lot of stories about corruption, but this one may just take the biscuit. Catania president Antonino Pulvirenti is currently being prosecuted for match-fixing, on foot of which his phone records have been seized. Included in the phone records are calls between Pulvirenti and Lazio president Claudio Lotito. But, according to ANSA, Lotito has a perfectly reasonable explanation for the phonecalls - he was discussing an exorcism.

Said Lotito:

"Pulvirenti complained about a lot of personal and family troubles which had occured, so I suggested the name of an exorcist.

"It’s easy to check. When Pulvirenti told me his problems, I got information from a priest in Catania, and he advised an exorcist.

"As for the rest, he asked me for appointments with sporting creditors, the CEO of a bank and Chievo.

“That’s the truth, and it can be seen in all the records of the investigation".

Artist's Impression of the Week

- 'How Much is that Balo in the Window?'; Balotelli eyes up toy model of himself.

Football Recommendation of the Week

- Pundit Colouring; Have you ever fancied colouring in some of your favourite football pundits such as Garth Crooks, Jeff Stelling and Des Lynam? Well your day has finally come because Pundit Colouring is a colouring book to fulfil all your pundit colouring needs. The website even contains four free downloadable pundits for you to colour.

http://punditcolouring.com/

Non Football Recommendation of the Week

- True Detective Series 2; If the first series was anything to go by, True Detective Series 2 should be unmissable. Vince Vaughan and Colin Farrell have a lot to live up to.

http://www.hbo.com/true-detective