Thursday, 18 September 2014

Filth

We're not sure who first christened football 'the beautiful game', but we're pretty certain that if they read Football Circus they'd be having second thoughts. Tis a grimey little blog indeed this week, as we report on a womanising Brazilian player, racism, a player falling out of love with the game, some ugly politics in Italy, a possible Mario Balotelli affair and wee in a bottle complimented by a disgusting chant. We also have some Mexicans wearing dog masks and an over-zealous fan.




Football Circus Clown Quote of the Week

- "Sandro’s holding his face. You can tell from that it’s a knee injury".

- Dion Dublin


Ronaldinho and the Racist Politician

Ronaldinho made a surprise move to Mexican team Queretaro earlier this month and his arrival has caused quite a stir. Firstly, the move surprised quite a few in the media as it was seen as a step down for the Brazilian and perhaps an admission that he was no longer able to perform at the top level. Ronnie has defended the move however, stating his reasons for the transfer:

"I want to win titles and girls here. I've always lived in the same way".

The former Barca man was also in the headlines after being subjected to racist comments from a politician. Carlos Trevino wrote on his Facebook page:

"I seriously try to be tolerant, but I HATE SOCCER, and the idiotic phenomenon it produces… I hate it even more because people get in the way and flood the streets making me take up to two hours just to get home… And all just to see a MONKEY… A Brazilian monkey, but a monkey nonetheless. This is has become a ridiculous circus".

Thankfully, Ronnie's new side Queretaro were not happy to let the disgusting comments go unnoticed and have confirmed:

"We as a club will go to the furthest reach of the law so that these types of expressions never affect our players or any member of our club again".


The Dog Men of Mexico

On Friday, Queretaro unveiled Ronaldinho at half-time during their match against Puebla, a game that finished 1-1. What was perhaps most noteworthy about the opposition, was their unusual training method which saw the players wear dog masks. The unorthodox training, was the brainchild of manager Jose Luis Sanchez Sola.

He attributed his ideas to Atletico Madrid manager Diego Simeone, albeit Simeone's training does not involve dogs masks!

Sanchez Sola noted:

"I saw a video of Simeone doing what we did without mask, with all the intensity of recovering the ball.

"It’s sending the message with an anchor, the anchor is the mask. I understand that every time you go to play a ball and anchors you in the idea, remember you’re a dog, I have to go for it, fight it, steal it and defend it".



It's a Knockout! Sao Paulo Fan Overdoes it Celebrating Goal

Brazilian football fans are known for their diehard support, not least when it comes to cheering on their club. One particular fan may have gone slightly overboard last week though, when he injured himself as a result of cheering on Sao Paolo.

Much to their fans' delight, Sao Paolo beat fierce rivals Botafogo 4-2 away from home on Thursday last, but one of their supporters did himself a mischief after getting over-excited while celebrating one of the goals. The unfortunate individual got so carried away that the barrier in front of him gave way, causing him to fall forward and hit his face off a metal railing with considerable force. He was taken away by medics and though the injury was not believed to be too severe, Botafogo may want to review their ground safety after this video made it to Youtube.



W.WiEse - Former German Keeper Turns to Wrestling

In one of the more bizarre career changes for a footballer to make, former German international goalkeeper Tim Wiese has this week revealed he has been offered a deal to join WWE.

Wiese quit the game in January when he was released by German side Hoffenheim so he could pursue other interests...namely his obsession with building muscle. The former keeper who was part of the 2010 German World Cup squad, went on to become a bodybuilder. Though this latest development may seem a natural progression from bodybuilding, it's certainly a far cry from net-minding in the Bundesliga.

Speaking with German newspaper Bild, Wiese said of his extraordinary offer:

"I have an official enquiry from the WWE. It’s about working for them as a wrestler. I will listen. I don’t s*** my pants. Why should I immediately say no? Wrestling is very popular, especially in the States. I will go through the enquiry with my agent next week".



A Wee Surprise - Swiss Keeper Peeved after Water Bottle Incident

FC Muri goalkeeper Reto Felder was aggrieved to say the least this week after an unfortunate incident involving his water bottle during a match between the Swiss first division team and opposition side Baden. While drinking from the bottle during the match, Felder discovered that the bottle had been tampered with by fans and it was not water he was drinking, but urine.

The disgusting act lead to the following comments from Felder, who may now take legal action:

"I have never experienced anything like it.

"That is just primitive filth.

"I took one sip and realised that it was warm but thought that it was because of the sun. But by the second sip I realised that something was wrong.

"The mere thought of drinking p*** is unbearable. What if, the next time, it is something that knocks you out?".

The knuckle-dragging fans are also alleged to have chanted:

"Now you will get Aids".

It is hoped that the Swiss FA will come down hard on Baden and their fans as a result of the outrageous behaviour and a spokesperson has already commented:

"We take this incident very seriously. We are at the moment waiting to see what decision FC Baden arrives at. We can’t do too much at the moment. The club or the player can, however, go to a civil court".


What's Mad Mario Upto this Week?

Another eventful week for Mr. Balotelli. He played in Liverpool's disappointing 1-0 away defeat to Aston Villa on Saturday, but made amends mid-week, scoring his first goal for the club in their narrow Champions League victory over Bulgarian side Ludo Razgrad.

Off the pitch, Balo is, if you believe reports, even more busy than he is on it. Rumours over the past few weeks have claimed he has split from fiancee Fanny Neguesha. Neither party have commented, though Neguesha recently uploaded an Instagram photo of herself in which she was not wearing her engagement ring. Some media outlets even suggest Balotelli cheated, while others will have you believe that Balotelli dumped Neguesha due to a number of rows they had. Either way, the dirtsheets have claimed that Super Mario has been less than a gentleman after what they allege was a "sex marathon" (see also "romp", "all nighter", "fling") with a hairdresser. According to the claims, Balotelli "loved" her and left her.

We can't be sure as to whether any of the reports regarding Balo's love life are true but what we certainly would like to believe is that he may have donated a rather generous £60,000 to Manchester Dogs' Home. The dogs' home was victim of a devastating arson attack last week. This week, the home have revealed that anonymous individual donated an incredible £60,000 to help them recover from the incident. 

Accordingly to the Manchester Evening News, staff at the dogs' home believe that the donation came from none other than Mario Balotelli.

Jane Smith, a spokeswoman for the dogs' home, stated:

"Mario owns a dog but it was in quarantine in Italy so he used to come and walk all the dogs at the dogs’ home.

"We can’t yet confirm whether he made a donation but he is known as a big dog lover so it would make sense".

And in our last bit of Balo news this week, the striker seems to be fitting right in at his new club, uploading photos to his Instagram account of himself and his new teammates. AC Mi-Who?



Italian Football Story of the Week

- Palermo Owner Zamparini Unimpressed with Lazio Couterpart Lotito

In an interview with Rai Radio 2, businessman and Palermo owner Maurizio Zamparini has openly criticised Lazio president and owner, Claudio Lotito, going so far as to label him a "little dictator".

Lotito is rumoured to have played a major part in getting his friend Carlo Tavecchio elected as FIGC president. Lotito was banned from football for two and a half years for his part in the 2006 Italian football scandal. He then served a five month ban for his involvement in the third party ownerships of Mauro Zarate and Julio Ricardo Cruz.

Zamparini stated in the interview:

"Lotito is a little Duce, a little dictator.

"He is suffering from an addiction to being a protagonist, but he’s working well for the Lega and the Federation.

"I still wouldn’t go for a walk with him, though.

"Is Lotito the real President of the Federation? No, at this moment his presence in the Lega is very strong, but I think Tavecchio has experience in the Federation and doesn’t need Lotito".


Artist's Impression of the Week

- 'Bottle Shock'; Swiss keeper has an unfortunate experience with his 'water' bottle.



Football Recommendation of the Week

- Pro Evolution Soccer 2015; FIFA has held the crown of 'best football game' for quite a number of years now and Pro Evo's brief stint being considerred number 1 looks like a distant memory by now. However their latest offering, judging by trailers at least, looks rather impressive. Perhaps not ready to overtake FIFA again just yet, the trailers for PES 2015 certainly suggest that the series is back on the right track.


Non-Football Recommendation of the Week

- 50 Way to Kill Your Mammy; A surprisingly amusing new Sky One show documenting the travels of Baz Ashmawy and his beloved mother, who visit a number of locations around the globe. Along the way, Baz attempts to 'kill' his mammy, testing exactly how far she will go for the sake of his own (and the viewers') entertainment.



Don't forget you can follow us on Twitter @footballcircus or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/pages/Football-Circus/418804204906352

You can also contact us at footballcircus@gmail.com




Thursday, 11 September 2014

Napoli 501

How to do you follow up a 75th edition featuring lederhosen, Bart Simpson and the Pope? A 76th edition featuring Linkin Park, international football playing policemen, 70 game bans and denim jerseys, that's how!





Football Circus Clown Quote of the Week

"They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that".

- Kevin Keegan


Please Stand...For Linkin Park?

The crowd and players present at the MSK Zilina Stadium in Slovakia last week got a bit of a shock before the Slovakia-Malta friendly got underway. As the Maltese players and fans geared up to bellow out 'L-Innu Malti' ('The Maltese Hymn' in English), a rather different tune was heard arond the stadium.
Linkin Park's 'Numb' was blasted out for a few seconds, much to the amusement of many in attendance. 

The mistake was quickly rectified as the Maltese anthem was swiftly put on 'play'. Though some of the Malta side were seen laughing, they may have been unnerved as they went on to lose the game 1-0. The individual in charge of the PA system in the stadium may now be one step closer to the sack. Anyone?




The Butcher, the Baker and the Candlestick Maker

Gibraltar played their first ever competitive game against Poland on Sunday and though it wasn't quite a case of the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker, they fielded as many policemen as they did professional footballers!

Gibralatar's international team is still in its infancy and with a population of just 30,000, their pool of talent was always going to be limited. Despite losing the game 7-0, they did well to field a team everything considered. The professions of the first eleven were as follows:

1. Jordan Perez: Fireman
2. Scott Wiseman: Professional footballer
3. Joseph Chipolina: Admin clerk
4. David Artell: Academy director at Crewe Alexandra
5. Ryan Casciaro: Policeman
6. Roy Chipolina: Customs
7. Lee Casciaro: Policeman
8. Rafael Bado: Storeman
9. Kyle Casciaro: Shipping agent
10. Liam Walker: Professional footballer
16. Brian Perez: Electrical department


Austrian Player Given 70 Game Ban

He may have taken things a step further than Paolo Di Canio, but Austrian fifth division player Ismail Gunduz will not have been expecting this punishment. Gunduz had lined out for SK Rum in a match against SPLG Innsbruck and had been booked. In the 86th minute of the game, with his team 3-2 up, Gunduz committed a second bookable offence and was promptly sent off. And Gunduz saw red in more ways than one.

The midfielder attacked the referee, headbutting him, causing him to bleed heavily from his face. The ref suspended the match despite there being only four minutes left, in order to go to hospital.

Gunduz has now been handed a 70 match ban, has been sacked by his club and fined €257. Gunduz has claimed innocence, telling local media he "slipped" and believes the punishment does not fit the crime. He will miss nearly three full seasons.

Horst Scherl, head of the governing FA (the Tyrolean FA), has however dismissed Gunduz's pleas of innocence, stating:

"The 70-match suspension is without precedent as far as we know, but it seemed proportionate to us given the gravity of the offence".


Celtic Star Names Newborn After Pirlo

Way back in March 2013 in what was only our second edition of Football Circus, we informed you of how Italy striker Antonio Cassano had taken the unusual measure of naming his son after Barcelona and Argentina star Lionel Messi. Fast forward 18 months and it would appear that Messi isn't the only footballer being honoured by fellow professionals in such a manner.

Celtic midfielder Beram Kayal this week celebrated the birth of his new son and his decided to name the baby...Pirlo! The Israeli midfielder stated on his Instagram account:

"Today I have been graced with the birth of my first child Pirlo kayal. My wife Angela and Pirlo are both doing well. It's been an emotional day, especially for my parents who have came to see the birth of their first grandchild. I would like to thank everyone for all their support and messages. I also thank god for everything he has blessed me with and today he has blessed me with a son . #nopirlo #noparty".



Napoli 501

Last season Napoli released an horrendous camouflage away kit. So whatever they followed it up with this season couldn't be any worse, right? Wrong. They have today revealed their 2014-15 follow up to the camourflage disaster...a denim number!

We hope for the players' sakes they don't have to don the away jersey in the May. The whole team will be eradicated by heat stroke.



What's Mad Mario Upto this Week?

There may indeed be two sides to Mario Balotelli as we have this week learned. Having not being picked to play for Italy during the international break, Balo appeared in a Liverpool side that took on Wolves in a behind-closed-doors friendly. A photo from the match emerged, showing Balotelli being spoken to by referee Chris Foy and Wolves midfielder George Saville holding his head. The photo was quickly seen all over social media and sparked rumours that Balotelli had kicked Saville in the head.


However Wolves head coach Kenny Jackett moved to deny there having been a fracas between the two players:

"I can’t even remember a 50-50 between Balotelli and Saville", Jacket stated.

"I can’t really think of an incident where him and Saville clashed, if I’m being truthful. Balotelli was substituted, but not after any particular tackle or incident".

On Monday, Balo was busy attempting to win over fans by advising children returning to school to study hard, via a video uploaded to his Instagram account. He also commented:

"Hi kids, today starts school in most countries. It’s like the beginning of the season in football. It’s therefore time to start giving Your best as this helps shape your future. Good luck!".

In some final Super Mario news this week, Usain Bolt has alleged that he had a hand in Balo's move to Liverpool. Manchester United-supporting Bolt has this week said of a conversation he had with pal Balo:
"We’re talking, and I tell him England is the best place to be. I talk to him and I said listen, when you play against Man United, just make a few mistakes. We’ll be all right".


Italian Football Story of the Week

- Buffon Yet to Sign New Juve Deal

Juventus goalkeeper Gianluigi Buffon is apparently in no rush to sign a new deal with the Turin giants. Buffon is in the final year of his contract and though he may well get round to penning a new deal within the next few months, he is as yet, undecided on his future.

In an interview with Calcionews24.com, Buffon's representative Silvano Martina said:

“There is no rush, nor any short-term agreements made.

"We have an excellent rapport with Juventus, so there will be no problems. Right now I can’t talk about details, as it’s still too early.

"Buffon is a key figure at Juventus and still the best goalkeeper in the world.

"These are questions you should ask him. I don’t know, but right now he wants to play".


Artist's Impression of the Week

- 'Come on Higuain'; Napoli kit launch resembles Dexys Midnight Runners Video



Football Recommendation of the Week

- Nationwide Football Annual 2014-2015; A great coffee table / bathroom book for filling your head with relevant / irrelevant football knowledge, whichever way you look at it. An encyclopedic amount of information squeezed into one pocket-sized book (albeit with rather small font).




Non-Football Recommendation of the Week

- Trailer Park Boys, Season 8; Available exclusively on Netflix, Ricky, Julian and Bubbles return to form with their latest offering of drink fuelled misadventure.




Don't forget you can follow us on Twitter @footballcircus or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/pages/Football-Circus/418804204906352

You can also contact us at footballcircus@gmail.com


Thursday, 4 September 2014

LXXV

Welcome one and all to the 75th edition of Football Circus. From our humble beginnings back in 2013, we've somehow managed to churn out 75 editions of the blog. We certainly don't plan on stopping anytime soon either. So, instead of patting ourselves on our backs and farting around, we shall move onto this week's edition. What's in store for your 75th Football Circus? Bart Simpon? Check. Lederhosen? Obviously. A possible leg amputation? Sure. The Pope? But of course! So get stuck in...




Football Circus Clown Quote of the Week

“If he’d done that, no one would have batted an eyebrow".

- Phil Thompson


Batistuta Wanted Legs Cut Off!

Legendary Argentine striker Gabriel Batistuta has revealed that following his retirement from the game in 2005, his legs were causing him so much agony that he took the drastic step of asking his doctor to cut them off! 'Batigol' scored 305 career goals, winning 78 caps for his native Argentina and turned out for Fiorentina, Roma and Inter Milan. However the years of playing took their toll on his legs and resulted in the former striker seeking medical help from a specialist in 2011.

Speaking to TyC Sports, Batistuta said:

"I left football and overnight I couldn’t walk.

"I wet the bed even though the bathroom was only three meters away. It was 4am and I knew if I stood my ankle would kill me.

"I went to see Dr. Avanzi and told him to cut off my legs. He looked at me and told me I was crazy.

"I couldn’t bare it any longer. I can’t put in to words just how bad the pain was. I looked at Oscar Pistorius and said that’s my solution".

The specialist instead told Batistuta that he could instead have screws put into one of his legs, which would help ease the pain. He continued:

"I chose the right leg, the doctor couldn’t do both.

"I didn’t care. My problem is that I have no cartilage or tendons. My 86 kilos are supported by bones alone. That’s what generated the pain.

"I’m much better now than I was three years ago".


Lederhosen Time Again for Bayern

Last year (in our 'Dirty 30' edition in fact - a whole 45 blogs ago...phew!), we revelled in highlighting Bayern Munich's Oktoberfest antics to you. We indulged in a wry chuckle as, the then newly appointed Pep Guardiola, donned lederhosen from the first time (to our knowledge at least). Well, it's that time of year again. And this year, we find ourselves laughing at the Bayern squad, including new signings, messrs Pepe Reina, Xabi Alonso, Mehdi Benatia and Robert Lewandowski.

The quartet, and indeed the whole team,were photographed wearing checkered shirts and ridiculous shorts as part of Bayern's yearly pre-Oktoberfest Paulaner promotions. The photos have been doing the rounds on Twitter and Instagram and are sure to sure to lead to phonecalls to the players from modelling agencies across Europe!



Zenit Sign Bart Simpson

Yes, you read it right. It's surely one of weirder headlines to date and we've certainly had a few. It's all true though, Zenit St. Petersburg announced that they had signed none other than Bart Simpson on transfer deadline day. The Russian club have decided that their traditional lion mascot will be joined by Bart Simpson this season in cheering on the team. Zenit claim to have "reached and agreement" with 20th Century Fox and released the following 'statement' on the deal:

"FC Zenit and the 20th Century Fox have reached an agreement about Bart Simpson’s transfer to the Blue-White-Sky Blues! The latest addition to the team has already arrived in St. Petersburg, passed his physical, signed his contract and had his first training session this morning with the rest of the team.

"Bartholomew Jo Jo (Bart) Simpson first appeared onscreen in 1987 and because of this he has decided to take 87 as his number.

"The latest addition to the mascot squad is expected soon make his debut at Petrovksy with our lion".

The bizarre move was accompanied by an even stranger video on the club's Youtube channel which showed Bart arriving at the airport, having a medical, signing for the club and meeting the team for the first time.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-MyyJ7KRNg



Zanetti and Pope Combine to put on Rome Charity Game...Wenger Referees!

Pope Francis is no stranger to Football Circus, having featured in a number of previous editions. His love for football extends so far that he last year got together with former Inter captain and fellow Argentine, Javier Zanetti, to come up with the idea of an inter-faith charity match for peace. The match took place on Monday at Rome's Olympic Stadium.

Former players and legends including Diego Maradona, Roberto Baggio, Carlos Valderama, Zinedine Zidane and Andrei Shevchenko were joined by current stars including Lionel Messi, Alessandro Del Piero, Ronaldinho and Andrea Pirlo. Pope Francis hoped the match would result in increased dialogue between those of different faiths, with a particular focus on the Gaza conflict.

One surprise guest present at the match was Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger. The Frenchman was spotted at Heathrow airport on the morning prior to the match, which coincided with transfer deadline day. His sighting sparked a host of rumours among Arsenal fans that Wenger was travelling to the continent to tie up a transfer deal. Much to the chagrin on many Gunners, Wenger was in fact off to referee the Pope's charity game. Arsenal did however tie up a late deal for Danny Welbeck in Wenger's absence, while the Pope's side lost out 6-3 to Zanetti's team.


What's Mad Mario Upto this Week?

Another week, another Football Circus and another big week for Mario Balotelli. Super Mario made his Liverpool debut in an impressive 3-0 victory for the side over Tottenham. The Reds were rampant against Spurs and were helped in no small part by Balo. Despite failing to get on the scoresheet, the striker put in a good performance and was lauded by fans and the media alike. He brought a lot of energy to the Liverpool team, complimenting the likes of Daniel Sturridge and Raheem Sterling when Liverpool went forward.

The Liver Birds even debuted a new chant for Balo:

"Mario fantastico, Mario magnifico, ole ole, ole ole".

Just as the fans were impressed with Balo's performance, the man himself was equally as impressed with his reception. He posted a clip of the chant being sung on his Facebook page and commented:

"That's why You'll Never Walk Alone. What a great reception!!!

"Great win! Wonderful experience to play my first match in Liverpool FC shirt. Fans were fantastic.

"Congratulations to the captain for his record of scoring in 16 consecutive years. Forza Steven Gerrard. Amazing today".

Clearly settling into his new home quickly, Balo has been going to great lengths to immerse himself in local culture, posting the photoshopped image below to his Instagram account. We would be very impressed if we saw Balo rocking this hairstyle by the the end of the season.



Italian Football Story of the Week

- The Final Chapter? Del Piero Travels to India to Join Delhi Dynamos

Italy and Juventus legend Alessandro Del Piero this week revealed the latest, and perhaps final, destination of his footballing career - the Indian Premier League. Del Piero's future had remained a mystery following his exit from Sydney FC at the end of last season, with many believing the 39 year old striker would finally retire from the game after a glittering career. Del Piero had other ideas though and this week was announced as the marquee signing of Delhi Dynamos FC.

In a statement, Del Piero had the following to say of the move:

"It's really exciting to be coming to India and playing for the capital of the country. I am thoroughly looking forward to training with my teammates and work together with the coach and the club and I hope to encourage the people of Delhi to follow our games.

"My passion has always been to play good football and I think I can definitely identify with my team's philosophy of playing an attacking and attractive game. It is always amazing to visit new countries but I have a feeling India is going to be a really special part of my journey. See you soon, India".


Artist's Impression of the Week

 - 'Balo and Co. Celebrate the 75th Football Circus'.



Football Recommendation of the Week

- Subbuteo; Not sure how this gem of a game hasn't been recommended yet...It's bloody brilliant!



Non Football Recommendation of the Week

- Hozier; This lad is making quite a name for himself at the moment and we can see why. Elevated into the spotlight after the release of 'Take Me to Church', Hozier has backed up his hype thus far.





Don't forget you can follow us on Twitter @footballcircus or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/pages/Football-Circus/418804204906352

You can also contact us at footballcircus@gmail.com