footballcircus: Voodoo Hoodoo

As international week ends and we get back into the swing of domestic football, we at Football Circus have noticed some strange goings on in the world of Football lately - From bizarre injuries, to voodoo spells and curses, it's been an odd week to say the least...

Football Circus Clown Quote of the Week

"They don't have much evictions about them".

- John Giles on Georgia's performance against the Republic of Ireland.

Shattered Dreams - Liberia Keeper Falls Victim to Bizarre Injury

Next time your mother tells your to look where you're going you should listen, as Liberia goalkeeper Nathaniel Sherman will now vouch. The unfortunate keeper missed his nation's African Cup of Nations qualifier against Tunisia last Saturday after almost losing an eye in the team hotel just hours before the match.

Sherman was walking through the hotel lobby whilst talking on his phone. Not looking where he was going, Sherman walked through a glass panel. Now, according to national team doctor, Abu Boakai Kamara, there is a 50/50 chance that Sherman will lose the vision in his right eye.

Nathaniel Sherman wasn't the only footballer to suffer an odd injury in the past week though. Hamburg striker Artjoms Rudnevs was admitted to hospital after his wife bit his tongue last Thursday night! However this was not as a result of bedroom antics going awry, rather the couple had a heated argument in public. Naturally, the quite clearly insane Mrs. Rudnevs' natural reaction was to bite her husband's tongue.

Britain's Leading White Witch Attempts to Fix Burnley's Injury Problems

Britain's leading white witch, Kevin Carlyon ('Kev the Witch' as he is also known), has claimed that Burnley's recent injury woes are as a result of a hex put on the club 20 years ago. In the past 18 months, five players at the club have suffered cruciate knee ligament injuries, with the most recent being Lucas Jutkiewicz who has been ruled out for the season.

In an interview with The Telegraph, 'Kev the Witch' said:

"The situation goes beyond any coincidence.

"With all the injuries being the exact same, it seems as if evil has been to work.
"The spell was most likely cast upon Burnley around 20 years ago.

"It will escalate and start affecting other areas of the club. Financial backing could be lost, or maybe maintenance issues could occur within the ground".
If you thought all this was a load of old hocus pocus, well, you'd be right. In an effort to stop the problem, Kev has performed a ritual, which went as follows:

"To this circle I now add my spirit, and now as all these elements are combined, I purify and energise a circle of power. So may it be done.

"I now ask the element of nature to reach out and allow me to perform this spell to both protect and reach out to the ground, now used by Burnley FC. And as I reach out, I protect the club from any evil intent.

"I now reach out to Burnley FC to both protect and increase the luck of all players. Whoever has placed these malicious and demonic energies – may the elements of nature rebound this to the place it came from.

"On this day, I ask that luck and health comes to all that use the football ground, including members of staff, the players, and fans attending matches.

"May it be that by Halloween, those repetitive knee injuries are stopped, and may the energies that I invoke start a run of increased luck for Burnley.

"May it be that a psychic wall be placed across the goalmouth of Burnley FC each time they play, and a winning streak be played upon the club so that it’s fortunes return".

Witch Doctors and the Premier League

It's not just Burnley experiencing strange goings on at the moment. According to a piece in the Sun this week, a number of Premier League players are getting involved with witch doctors, or 'Juju men' as they referred to in West Africa. Former West Brom player Brown Ideye told the newspaper:

"I know players who get involved with the Juju men and they can’t get out. It’s a trap. They might get short-term benefits, but in the long run they pay for it. Juju men have a lot of influence".

A wife of a Premier League footballer who did not want to be named, has backed up Ideye's claims:

"To some of the African players, the Juju man is more important than the manager of the club. If the Juju man told my husband to stop playing football, he would never kick a ball again.

"My husband has gone back to his village several times to be cleansed.
"The Juju man might ask him to bring a sacrifice — a spotless white goat, lamb or chicken — which would be slaughtered and then various oaths are made.

"There are many fake witch doctors driving around in Range Rovers and living in mansions. But the genuine Juju man lives in a hut with no water or electricity.

"I don’t think the English players know too much about all this, but some managers are definitely aware because the players excuse themselves at the drop of a hat when the Juju man comes calling".

Ben Haim Places Curse on Bale Free Kick

International week also got a taste of some apparent voodoo magic. Wales took on Israel on Saturday in a Euro 2016 qualifier and would have qualified from their group had they won. Alas, it wasn't the Welsh's day and the match ended in a 0-0 draw, despite the best efforts of one Gareth Bale.

Indeed Bale may well have broken the deadlock from a free kick just outside the Israel box, were it not for some quick thinking from Israel's Tal Ben Haim. No, Ben Haim didn't throw his body heroically in front of the ball. Instead, he appeared to place a curse on Bale's free kick before Bale could make contact with the ball. Bale's attempt sailed over the bar, leading Ben Haim to believe that his curse did exactly as intended.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lfIg26boH1A

What's Mad Mario Upto this Week?

And we're off. Yes, Balotelli's return to Milan didn't last long before he encountered trouble, or rather brought it upon himself. The striker this week has had his driving licence revoked for speeding according to Giornale di Brescia. The newspaper report that Balo was caught by police doing 90KM in a 50KM zone. Apparently when pulled up on it, Super Mario proclaimed:
"I’m sorry, I didn’t notice".

Balotelli has also been getting his knickers in a twist this week over a derogatory comment regarding Real Madrid being wrongfully attributed to him. A photo of Balo did the rounds on social media last week, accompanied by the quote:

"Barça is the only club to have two Stadiums, Camp Nou for matches & Bernabeu for training".

Balo has reacted angrily however, tweeting his real views on Real.

Comments that Balotelli will have been happy to hear this week, were those which came from former Italy boss Marcello Lippi. Speaking to Gazzetta dello Sport, Lippi said of Balo:

"He's not an unknown prospect.

"Mario is going to win this battle. A player like him has got to be among the leading players of the Italian game".

The Milan man has also professed his love for the club he returned to this summer, by posting a photo to Instagram of him kissing the club badge, with the caption:

"LOVE ac Milan now more than ever.

"United through good and bad times. Forza Milan".

Italian Football Story of the Week

- Lippi Warns Against Writing Off Juventus

Apart from speaking out for Mario Balotelli this week, Marcello Lippi also told Gazzetta dello Sport that anybody writing off Juventus' Serie A chances after their poor star to the season, would be foolish to do so. The ex-Juve manager said:

"Anyone who thinks Juve have lost their hunger or are in crisis is making a glaring error.

"They’ll fight to the end to win their fifth consecutive Scudetto.

"They’ve changed a lot? True, but their solid core has remained. Buffon, Bonucci, Chiellini, Barzagli and Marchisio will help the new faces.

"Don’t read too much into the results from the first two games. Without [Sami] Khedira, Marchisio and Morata it wasn’t the real Juve. The team is strong.

"Hernanes could work well, Dybala is a great talent and I’ve heard good things about Alex Sandro. Don’t write-off Mandzukic either, so far he hasn’t had the right service.

"Then there’s Asamoah to come back".

Artist's Impression of the Week

- 'Hocus Pocus'; Bale's free kick cursed by Tal Ben Haim.

Football Recommendation of the Week

- FIFA 16; Due for release on September 22nd, the latest offering from the FIFA chain comes with some new features including female players and unlimited substitutions during friendlies.

https://www.easports.com/fifa