It’s been a roller-coaster week for the world of football. Leagues finishing, teams relegated and promoted and cup finals…Not to mention the mayhem that took place at FIFA this week and transfer rumour silly season getting well under way. It was ultimately a sad week at Football Circus however, as we learned of the passing of Irish football broadcasting legend Bill O'Herlihy…More on that in our Football Recommendation of the Week. First, get your fill of your weekly football nonsense as we report on a Canary-dream ruining dog, Pep Guardiola getting covered in beer, Christians being robbed by a former footballer and a bottle of barbeque sauce…
Football Circus Clown Quote of the Week
“I am a mountain goat that keeps going and going and going, I cannot be stopped, I just keep going”.
- Sepp ‘Mountain Goat’ Blatter, who later this week found that the organisation he heads up is being done for corruption, the silly old goat.
Dog Almost Ruins Canaries Fan’s Dreams
A Norwich fan last week found himself in the depths of despair after finding his dog had taken a shine to his playoff final tickets and ate them!
Matt Grimmer told ITV News that he was in a meeting last week and was interrupted by his wife calling him to say there was an emergency at home.
Said Grimmer:
“The phone rang a couple of times and I ignored it.
"I could see it was my wife ringing me. Then a text came through saying, ‘can you ring me urgently?’
"I excused myself from the meeting thinking that something had happened to a family member”.
To Grimmer’s horror, he was informed that the dog had eaten his cherished tickets.
He traveled to the Carrow Road ticket office in the hope that he might get replacements, explaining to staff that Freddie the cockapoo had munched the tickets.
“As I was queuing up, I explained what had happened and was told, ‘yeah, we’ve heard some excuses in the past’.
"Eventually, I pulled my tickets out and they couldn’t believe it. I had tried to sellotape them together but it wasn’t savable”.
Luckily for Grimmer, the understanding staff gave him replacement tickets, which Grimmer will most certainly have kept out of the reach of his pedigree chum. Norwich won the game 2-0, securing them Premier League football next season.
Guardiola Gets Soaked by Beer-Wielding Boateng
Bayern Munich celebrated winning the Bundesliga title in traditional fashion at the weekend, as they guzzled beer by the glass…well at least the beer that they hadn’t poured over each other. One individual who was never going to escape a drenching on the day was manager Pep Guardiola. Bayern’s German centre back Jerome Boateng made a special effort to ensure his Catalan gaffer was soaked in beer, but footage of the beer-pouring suggests that Pep was none too pleased by the antics.
Boateng told bundesliga.com afterwards:
“It wasn’t easy to give Pep Guardiola a beer shower today as he hid himself better than he did last year! I hope we win the Bundesliga again next season but for the moment it’s time to celebrate this year’s championship because we’ve really deserved it. Today we’ll celebrate because that’s what we fought for from the start of the season. We’re not thinking about the finals [we’re missing out on] in Berlin”.
The Money was Just Resting in my Account - Ex Charlton Defender Alleged to have Stolen Millions from Church
Former Charlton defender Richard Rufus has appeared at the high court in England, having been accused of scamming the Kingsway International Christian Center out of £5 million. The ex-centre back is also accused of owing £18 million to 93 investors after a failed investment scheme saw him declared bankrupt in October 2013.
Rufus, a born-again Christian, has already missed a number of court hearings, claiming:
“God is my only judge”.
Last Wednesday he was given 14 days to compile his evidence for the case.
Tempers Spill Over as Giant Bottle of BBQ Sauce is Victim of Horror Tackle
35 year old Australian defender John Hutchinson was given a testimonial on Saturday by his club side Central Coast Mariners. The match saw a number of the A-League club mascots take to the field…one of which was a man/woman dressed as a giant bottle of barbeque sauce.
The 'bottle’ decided that despite it being the testimonial of 'Hutch’, it was his/her turn in the limelight and opted to dribble the ball until he/she was through on goal. What the bottle hadn’t accounted for, was the possibility of Mariners centre-back Brent Griffiths not taking to kindly to a giant bottle of barbeque sauce scoring in front of his home fans.
Griffiths gave chase to the bottle and chopped it down on the edge of the box. The referee had no hesitation in showing Griffiths a straight red, which from our research, was the first red card ever brandished for tackling a bottle of barbeque sauce.
David Luiz is not a Virgin, Repeat, NOT A VIRGIN
David Luiz last week hit the headlines following his baptism in Maxwell’s swimming pool (yes, you read that right). Quotes attributed to him regarding abstinence from sex until after marriage were misunderstood to mean that he is a virgin.
This week, Luiz has come out to clarify that he has indeed, gotten jiggy with it in the past.
Said the Brazilian in an interview with the BBC:
“My religion, my baptism, I’m very happy. People are saying things everywhere about whether I’m a virgin or not. I’m not a virgin.
"Some people in the press don’t respect people in life. I can put my head on my pillow and sleep great because I respect everyone”.
So there you have it. David Luiz has popped his cherry for those of you who were concerned over the whole debacle.
What’s Mad Mario Upto this Week?
After Liverpool’s embarrassing 6-1 final day defeat to Stoke at the weekend (in which Balo failed to appear), the striker posted a photo to Instagram with the caption:
“Thanks to Liverpool fans for this year …. I m loading for next season. #beast”.
This would suggest that Super Mario believes he will remain at Anfield next season in spite of an extremely poor showing this year.
Not that any concerns about his career seem to be deterring him from having fun. He and his brother Enoch were filmed on Segways this week, though the pair didn’t seem to have much luck in controlling them…
That’s been it from Mario this week and really, it’s a week that sums up his season - A big fat pile of nothing. Hopefully the summer will at least give us something interesting to write about the the decreasingly 'Mad’ Mario.
Italian Football Story of the Week
- Inzaghi Gets Desperate
Pippo Inzaghi’s AC Milan career appeared to crash to a halt on Saturday after he was sent off at half time for dissent in his side’s 3-0 victory over Torino. With rumours rife that it was the former striker’s last game in charge at Milan, he told Sky Sports Italia:
“Coaches can only do so much, it’s the players who make the difference and we saw that tonight. We’d been playing well for four games.
"It’s a huge regret that we are only now getting our players back to fitness and the season is ending.
"I have to say that the team was always right behind me and for a Coach making his Serie A debut like me that is something special.
"I have a contract. Until I am told otherwise, I will continue. If I am given time, I am convinced that I can take Milan back to where it was.
"It’s not easy to transform everything, but the squad has solid foundations to build on for next season.
"If I’m given the chance to continue at Milan, then great, otherwise I will continue this profession elsewhere.
"I think for a Coach the most important thing is to have the players on your side. There have been more important and prestigious Coaches than me who struggled here. I can only hope and say that this is a fantastic profession.
"I just hope that I can stay on because I have a lot more to give and these club colours are inside my heart”.
Artist’s Impression of the Week
- 'Keep a Lid on It!’; Barbeque sauce bottle is victim of horror tackle.
Football Recommendation of the Week
- RTE Sport Bill O'Herlihy Tribute; It was a sad week this week as we learned of the passing of legendary Irish football broadcaster Bill O'Herlihy. Together with Irish legends John Giles, Liam Brady and Eamon Dunphy, O'Herlihy made up what was surely one of the most popular and long-lasting football panels in the world. O'Herlihy covered ten World Cups and ten Olympic games in his time - a phenomenal feat by anyone’s reckoning. As it happens, O'Herlihy retired from broadcasting after last year’s World Cup final, so after his sad passing, we think it fitting that this week’s football recommendation of the week is the tribute video made for him by RTE Sport for his 2014 retirement.
This interview with the great man conducted by Second Captains just after his retirement last year is also well worth a listen.
Non-Football Recommendation of the Week
- Mad Max: Fury Road; If it’s explosions, car chases, fighting and non-stop action you’re looking for, Mad Max: Fury Road is the film for you. Probably the most entertained you’ll be in the cinema this year.
Okey doke. We’ll leave it there so.
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